Loading ...Gross Movie Reviews #125
Posted by Tim on May 8, 2008Gross Movie Reviews #125
By Tim Gross
Blacula (VHS) – William Marshall stars as an African Prince who was turned into a vampire by Count Dracula in the mid 1800’s who was traveling countries to stop slavery! When he is turned he is locked away in a coffin for years until 1972 he is released by two gay guys who buy Count Dracula’s estate. Blacula takes a little time to adjust to his new surroundings in L.A. but fits right in as he begins his killing spree while trying to woo a woman that he believes that was his wife in the past life. This film that took a new spin on the legendary Dracula story and became one of the most known exploitation flicks during the 70s, plus it kicks ass. I give the film 3 stars.
Scream Blacula Scream (VHS) – A year later and William Marshall reprises his role as ‘Blacula’ and he is brought back to life by a man seeking revenge on his sister and others. His sister is played by the exploitation film veteran Pam Grier and looks dam beautiful! I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Psycho Scarecrow (DVD) – A shitty movie shot on video that uses the story of the evil scarecrow that kills people. Why do you need to see this shitfest? Because the scarecrow rides a motorcycle and its shot on video, its B-movie greatness, I give it 2 stars!
Iron Man (Theater) – Honestly there isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t been said already about this really fucking awesome comic book movie! Robert Downey Jr. (perfect choice) plays Tony Stark the billionaire who happens to make great military weapons. The movie for the most part is the origins of ‘Iron Man’ and how he came to the conclusion of being a superhero and does not back down from it! The movie is simply beautiful, exciting, action-packed, and couldn’t have been any better. The ‘Iron Man’ film is comic book geek’s wet dream… If you still have something to complain about shitheads? Let me remind you that at one time Tom Cruise wanted to be in the Tony Stark role for years but could never get anybody crazy as him to make the movie so if you are complaining about the film go fuck yourself! But anyway Jeff Bridges plays one hell of a villain and plus makes a great stunt double for ex-wrestler Jesse ‘the body’ Ventura, they make a small reference to “War Machine”, and this might be the first movie that I think Gwyneth Paltrow actually looked attractive. It’s a great movie, so great they even listed me in the credits under “Technical Support” (look for it). I give the film 4 stars as its just as good as the first Spider-man film and I cannot wait for the sequels and where it goes from here.
Critters 3: You Are What They Eat (DVD) – Leonardo DiCapiro makes his film debut in this family friendly sequel that has Charlie return to help Leonardo fight the ‘Crites’ in an apartment building and ends with a “To be continued…” ending! I give this film 2 stars as this most likely the worst of the four movies.
Critters 4: (DVD) – Picking up where the third movie left off, Charlie is trapped in this pod with the two last ‘critters’ and are in space some 50 years later by a salvage ship that is led by Angela Bassett and Brad Dourif. The movie is cheap and cheesy and could of gone with the whole ‘Aliens’ plot line but choose to keep with the fun “Critters” storyline we all know and love with the “Critters” trying to fight for survival as they try to mutant themselves to kill off the crew members of the ship and return to earth! A fun space movie worth watching as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Brainscan (VHS/Theater) – Edward Furlong plays a teenage computer geek in this 1994 movie that has him playing the latest virtual reality game that sucks you into the game and makes you a murderer! Now that you are a murderer the game’s host “The Trickster” tries to guide Ed through a killing spree and cover his tracks. Not a bad idea and not a bad film even with Ed’s stupid character limp it was just made at a time there was a lot of uncertainty in the horror genre and people were not exactly into the virtual reality realm. It was a weird time and the movie doesn’t get its due for at least being a watchable horror film in an age of when those types of horror films were scarce. At one time the movie’s “Trickster” character was supposed to be the next Freddy Krueger franchise, but never happen. Go find this nice gem as I give the movie 3 stars.
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