Posted by Tim on
May 1, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #124
By Tim Gross “Condom…” – Ted Raimi in ‘Nightmare at Shadow Woods’
Nightmare at Shadow Woods (DVD) – The 1983 slasher film is also known on VHS as “Blood Rage” and has an appearance by none other the great Ted Raimi as a young twenty something in a drive-in bathroom selling condoms to all the guys! The film is a low budget slasher about identical twins who are with their mom at the drive-in in 1974. While mom decides to suck face with her boyfriend, the twins sneak out of the car and decide to see what trouble they can get into? One thing leads to another and one of the twins kill a guy in a car while he is bumping uglies with his big ass girlfriend. Before the police and their mom find them the brother blames the other and he is sent off to an institution for life! Well, its Thanksgiving break and the committed brother breaks out to go home. Meanwhile, people begin to die off one by one at a condo complex known as ‘Shadow Woods’ and everyone is in for a shock who survives… Not one of the greatest slasher films, but its fun, has great make-up/gore effects, the 83 minute running time is perfect, and plus it is the final one of three movies I have been searching for that I had seen when I was a kid (the other two were “Twisted Brain aka Horror High” and “Galaxy of Terror”. It took me 20 years, but I found it and it is worth having not only for myself but for any horror film fan out there as I give it 2 ½ stars and can be found cheap on eBay!
The Planet (DVD) – A futuristic film from Scotland picked up by MTI Video that is somewhat like “Pitch Black” and the 50s sci-fi classic “Forbidden Planet”. A military ship is under attack by alien ships and the personnel are forced to abandon ship for a planet that doesn’t exist. The few survivors that land on the planet must deal within an unseen force that seems to steal their souls and kills them. The movie is nothing new and not refreshing for the sci-fi genre as it looks like most of the average Sci-fi Channel crap I see as I give it 1 star, but if interested go to www.mtivideo.com for more details.
Coffy (DVD) - Pam Grier stars as a nurse in 1973 trying to avenge her 12 year old sister who is strung out on drugs. So, a very hot looking Pam Grier decides to take on all of the big city pimps and drug dealers and kill them all by getting in the elite as a high-priced hooker! Sid Haig also stars in it as a drug dealer’s bodyguard who has the hots for Pam! This movie personifies the black exploitation era of films as this movie is gritty, action-packed, violent, and has some awesome but cheaply done special effects. This is a must see film for all as I give it 4 stars.
Killer Condom (DVD) – A German horror film released by Troma Studios here in the states about a ‘killer condom’! The condom bites the dicks off of men who are into gay sex or other forms of sex that go against the Christian rule as you find out everything at the end of the movie the reason why the condoms are alive to begin with. Funny, wacked out, blood-filled adventure for the whole family! I give the DVD 3 stars.
Jesus Christ The Vampire Hunter (DVD) – The church asks Jesus Christ to help them in their fight against lesbian vampires in this very low budget crazy film from Canada that also has a fake Santo (the Mexican masked wrestler and hero to the Mexican people) that teams with JC to kill all the lesbian vampire bitches. A funny ass film that has all you can ask for in a film that has Jesus Christ and a fake Santo fighting lesbian vampires as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Inside (DVD) – Holy Fuckin Shit is this film disturbing and very intense! This film is the first horror in quite awhile to make me feel uncomfortable while watching it. It is a French horror film released out on the “Dimension Extreme” label here in the US about an unmanned woman who wants another woman’s child for all her own. The pregnant woman named Sarah is home alone on Christmas Eve and is awaiting early Christmas Morning in order to go have a C-section… Well, this other woman comes along and tries to break in to her house to take her baby away by any means necessary and by all means even if it means killing everyone and anyone including Sarah and herself to get the baby! And the ending is just great as it is an ending you would never see here in a Hollywood horror movie as it is not pretty and would make the weak very squeamish!!! I give this movie 4 stars and make it one of my favorite films of 2008!
Cloverfield (DVD) – A film made in the same vein as “Blair Witch Project”, “Diary of the Dead”, and quite a few others in the past 25 years its just finally gotten to Hollywood. For the most part the film is not original but works past that as the filmmakers make it a ‘very intense experience that just sucks you in’! The film is a tape from a digital camera that the government found in Central Park right after certain events of a mysterious godlike creature that no one has ever seen since Godzilla, which attacks New York! The tape follows a farewell party for a guy who is moving to Japan for a job until the creature begins attacking New York and the survivors of the party decide to tape the events that occur of them trying to save a girlfriend and trying to survive the night! The film is somewhat short at barely 70 minute running time but more than makes up for it with an open ending and never really explaining much about the creature? Or how the government even got the tape? Or if there is more tapes out there like this one? I have to give credit to the filmmakers for keeping the film in some sort of reality and having certain scenes in the film that made me remember how fucking cool films like “Alien” are and how they give off this great atmospheric feel about it! There are so many different things that can be done with future films under this title if they do so and it will be pretty hard to fuck that up, but that will be a wait and see thing because of it being a Hollywood film? But otherwise I give this great film 3 ½ stars and it’s a must see for anybody that thought the American Godzilla film was an abomination.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase my two horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One and Two” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com , with the third book delayed but on its way. You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive……… Don’t forget to catch me at Pittsburgh’s Horrorhound Weekend June 20th-22nd, 2008… and for more details go to www.horrorhoundweekend.com
Posted by Tim on
May 1, 2008
DUDES!!! SO MANY MANY EXCITING THINGS TO REPORT!!! THE FULL MOON HORROR ROAD SHOW TAKES OFF IN ABOUT 3 WEEKS!!! FIRST STOP: PHOENIX, ARIZONA! AND AS PROMISED THERE WILL BE SOME FAR-OUT AND EXTREMELY AWESOME ITEMS AVAILABLE ONLY AT THE ROAD SHOW! FIRST AND FOREMOST: THE FULL MOON ARCHIVE COLLECTION 18 DVD BOX SET!!! SEE IMAGES BELOW AND CHECK OUT THE PROMO! I WANTED TO CREATE THE ULTIMATE DVD COLLECTION AT AN INCREDIBLE “FOR THE FANS ONLY” PRICE! JUST $120 BUCKS FOR 18 DVDS! ALL HAND NUMBERED (75 PER CITY) AND SIGNED! THIS COLLECTION WILL ONLY BE SOLD AT THE 12 ROAD SHOW CITIES AND ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE ELSE! IN ADDITION TO THE BOX SET WE’LL HAVE SOME ADVANCE COPIES OF OUR NEXT REPLICA: DECAPITRON (WITH 3 HEADS!) AND A 2 CD MUSIC SET WITH ALL THE KILLER THEMES FROM THE FULL MOON “CLASSICS” PLUS GREAT SONGS FROM OUR MORE RECENT FEATURES! I’M ALSO GOING TO START DOING WEEKLY VIDCASTS - HOPE TO HAVE THE FIRST ONE UP NEXT WEEK!!! FOR MORE INFO AND TO GET TICKETS TO THE ROAD SHOW JUST GO TO WWW.FULLMOONDIRECT.COM !!! AND FINALLY! WE’RE STARTING UP OUR NEW ONLINE STREET TEAM VERY SOON - IF YOU WANT TO BECOME PART OF IT PLEASE EMAIL RY@FULLMOONFEATURES.COM. CB
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