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Archive for February, 2008

Gross Movie Reviews #116

Posted by Tim on February 29, 2008

Gross Movie Reviews #116By Tim Gross “Wolfman wore pants to cover… his WOLFDORK!” – The Monster Squad

Darkbreed (DVD) – A low budget Alien/Predator/Species rip-off! Pretty cool looking indestructible creature, shitty movie; I give the movie 1 star.

Above the Law (DVD) – The great one, Steven Seagal, stars in his first feature that came out in early 1988 as a Chicago cop ‘Nico’ partnered with the lovely 70s film star Pam Grier fighting off a man from his past when Seagal served in the special forces. This man has hit the streets of Chicago with a new form of his drugs and wants to take over the city. “Above the Law” and “Lethal Weapon” that came out the year before changed how cop action flicks were made. Steven’s first film gained lots of praise from critics for giving something different in an action film and put himself on the map in Hollywood for many years to come. This film is a fan favorite for not only me but for non-Seagal fans as well as there is lots of violence, fighting, arms breaking in half, and lots Steven Seagal just being Seagal! I give this film 4 stars.

Out for Justice (DVD/Theater) – The classic Seagal film is a non-stop runaway action flick that stars Steve Seagal as a Chicago cop searching for a crazed, drugged out wannabe mobster, William Forsythe as Richie. The film pretty much is non-stop action film from beginning to end as Richie goes on a killing spree in Chicago like no other action film I’ve seen. Seagal searches all the dive bars and places looking for Richie in Seagal like fashion asking, “Has anybody seen Richie?” Another classic Seagal line in this blood soaked, arm breaking, classic climactic end fight scene that never gets old when watching it for the first or 100^th time! I give this film 4 stars.

Under Siege (DVD/Theater) – Steven Seagal struck pay dirt with this film as he plays “just the cook” who is an undercover Special Forces officer on a Navy plane carrier that is taken over by terrorists. The film came out just before the first Iraq war and starred Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey as the lead villains, a pair of perfect tits that have never been seen like this before, and Seagal playing the role of ‘just a cook’ perfectly as its up to him to stop the terrorists before they launch an attack on the US! “Under Siege” is Seagal’s best grossing film ever. I give this fun action film 4 cooks! Strange note about this film is it was rumored when this film was being shot that Bruce Wills was about to do a similar film for Die Hard 2 but was beaten to the punch by Seagal.

On Deadly Ground (DVD) – This film was the follow up to “Under Siege” and might be his worst film out of any he has made as Seagal goes completely environmental on us and preaches about oil spills and so as he faces off with unlikely villain in Michael Caine who plays a big time oil rig owner who doesn’t care about the environment. The movie is a bit preachy and not a whole lot of Seagal we come to love and know is pretty much it as I give this film 2 stars.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (DVD/Theater) - This Seagal film was an example of pretty much going to the well ‘one too many times’ as this film did not have any kind of impact as the first “Under Siege” film did and did poorly at the box office. But anyhow in classic Seagal fashion, terrorists take over a train where himself and his niece Kate (Bride of Chucky) Heigel traveling on and its up to Seagal to save the day again. Better than “On Deadly Ground” but a disappointment if you are a fan of the original. I give this film 2 ½ stars.

Fire Down Below (DVD) – There was a period of time where it seemed Seagal disappeared then came this country atmosphere action flick that came out of nowhere in the late 90s where Steven Seagal plays a EPA agent with a gun and attitude sent to a small town in Kentucky where people are getting sick and dying. With the help of Harry Dean Stanton Seagal founds out that toxic waste is being dumped in local mines and water supplies and killing the small town as a big money man Kris Kristofferson gains the rewards. Lots of country music, lots of Seagal kicking ass, in a much underrated Seagal film that weirdly enough kicked off Seagal’s country music career! Yes, you heard me… I have tickets to one of his shows to prove it! I give this flick 3 stars.

Living Hell (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – An oddity of such for Sci-fi Channel features as this film is about a bacteria of somekind that is produced by a scientist years ago that kills everything and hidden is away in an old army base that is marked for demolition. Of course curious officers who are running the demo project are told by a half-crazed man a story about his mother talking about a bacteria locked away that can kill everything there is and cannot be stopped open the container holding it. Most of the effects are CG’d but this oddity of a feature is actually entertaining and exciting to watch as no one knows how to stop the living bacteria as it is killing everyone and trying to spread throughout the world. And to top the entertaining feature off the film has an ending where the crazed man makes a remark about if he never told them about his story none of what happen would of never happened which is a “big no, no…” in films for some reason because there is no point to the film then, right? Or at least according to the people making the films, but I personally thought it was refreshing. I give the movie 3 stars.

Xtro (DVD) – An awesome gooey sci-fi/horror film about a man who is abducted and his son witnesses it only to return in a bloody fashion to say the least for his son. For a foreign film made in early 1982 it has an excellent creature, lots of gooey blood and effects, and a birthing scene of the man returning that will make you cringe, cover your eyes, and never want to be in the delivery room again to see a baby being born! I give this flick 3 stars and can be found on DVD with Xtro 2 or on another DVD with Xtro 2 and Skeeter, a must have for horror fans!

Xtro 2: The Second Encounter (DVD) – For the most part an above average rip-off of “Alien” but has nothing to do with its original film that was made eight years earlier. This time around the film stars the great “Hooper” actor Jan-Michael Vincent as a man who is a survivor of traveling to another dimension but went supposedly mad after his return destroying the facility that sent him. Three years later… the same scientists have finally rebuilt and send three people to the same dimension only to see something totally scary and not able to bring back the personnel. So Vincent’s character is brought to help them figure out what went wrong. One person comes back, but not alone as she carries a creature that guts her like a fish from the inside and goes on a killing spree in the facility searching for knowledge of its victims it kills. “Leviathan” comes to mind also when watching the film but “Xtro 2” is on a lower scale but more fun because of the cool creature, a lot more blood and a cooler creature that you get to see more of. I give the fun sci-fi/horror film 2 ½ stars. You can find this film available together with “Xtro” on one DVD or in a 2-disc set with “Xtro” and “Skeeter”, a must have for horror movie and Jan-Michael Vincent fans.

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase my two horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One and Two” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . The book is also available at Incredibly Strange Video in Dormont, Pa. on West Liberty Ave. or try you can try www.incrediblystrangevideo.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com (when the dam website is working), www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………

Book Links if you wanna purchase a book!

Volume Two Red Cover

http://www.lulu.com/content/738100

Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover

http://www.lulu.com/content/751465

Volume One

http://www.lulu.com/content/265208

Posted under Reviews

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	Paul Davis Coming all the way from London is HorrorHound Magazines own “Tall” Paul Davis! Paul is a regular contributor to HorrorHound Magazine, while at the same time, working on his premiere documentary - ‘Beware the Moon: Remembering An American Werewolf in London’!

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Archive for February, 2008