Loading ...Gross Movie Reviews #85
Posted by Tim on April 15, 2007Gross Movie Reviews #85
By Tim Gross
The Invincible Iron Man (DVD) – The third movie in the series of cartoon films being done by Marvel and Lionsgate films. If you are a comic book fan, you should most likely enjoy this chronicle of how Iron Man got started in DVD form. Just like the two Avengers DVDs, this takes you back to your childhood of reading comic books and enjoying the adventures like they were on the big screen. This feature length movie shows the evolution of Tony Stark and how he reluctantly took on a curse in a foreign land that could destroy the world. Its entertaining just like the first two films and must buy for any Marvel, cartoon, or comic book fan. I give it 3 ½ stars.
TMNT (Theater) – It has been a few years since the Turtles have been on the big screen. But with them being revived recently on Cartoon Network it seemed to fuel Hollywood to come up with another movie for a new generation that didn’t get to see the live action movies. This time around they decided instead of live action, they went 100% computer animation. It was kind of sad they didn’t go the live action way because it was so much fun when the first movie came out but the computer animation way was a great way too go after watching it. The film was able to not only reinvent the legacy of the turtles but was able to give Turtle fans new villains to see. The film was action filled a well done film that should be ignored. I give the film 3 stars.
Dark Fields (DVD) – It has finally happen… I found a slasher film that has to be the most boring slasher film ever made! Nothing happens for the most part. People die by the hands of a guy that resembles “Cousin ITâ€!!! It makes “Woodchipper Massacre†exciting. The film makes you wonder how anybody would release it, but then you understand how when you see Lionsgate release it. It makes Lionsgate “Serial Slayer†look like one of the greatest slasher films of all time! I give it 0 stars but if you are weird like me but you need to rent or buy this DVD!
Kaw (Sci-fi Channel/DVD) – Pretty much the guy who plays the Greg Stillson character in “The Dead Zone†TV series plays a cop in a remake of Hitchcock’s “The Birdsâ€. Now don’t get me wrong its animals gone wrong movie with some blood and gore, but it wasn’t anything to cheer for! But all and all it turns out to be an above average film for Sci-fi channel. I give it 2 stars.
Horror Business (DVD) – A beautiful documentary filmed by Christopher P. Garetano, which takes you the viewer into the world of independent horror films. The film is not only informative, but entertaining, exciting, and showed respect to what the filmmakers are trying to achieve on a very, very low budget by any standards. Chris features Ron Atkins, Mark Borchardt, Dave Gebroe, John Goras, and David Stagnari in his documentary and has special appearances and interviews with Joe Bob Briggs, Sid Haig, Lloyd Kaufmann, H.G. Lewis, and Tony Timpone, who give not only insight to their experiences on independent films but the do’s and don’ts of the process of low budget filmmaking in the horror business. I thought the most eye-opening appearance was by Ed Neal (hitchhiker in TCM) which is mostly in the extras of the DVD but brought up a great point to the audience and filmmakers who are featured in the film alike. And that was Chris showed and treated everyone with lots of respect and could have really gone off the handle with this film and mock these people who are trying to live their dreams! Chris in my opinion, did such a great job of taking you into the world of independent horror that it makes me scream for him to do a sequel to the documentary and find other independent horror filmmakers to feature. But I also have to thank him for having my idol, Joe Bob Briggs discusses his three lessons in low-budget filmmaking and the third was stopping the bad vampire lesbian scenes. I could not agree more. I have seen this one too many times recently while reviewing people’s films. I am so tired of seeing two women playing bad vampires at that, have to kiss, fondle, or have sex with each other who either look like shit or so uncomfortable with the scene being that you cannot watch it! Filmmakers need to get a clue about this, use your brain when filming your low budget horror… So everyone who reads this review, you must, and I mean you must buy this film before you make a film or watch an independent horror film. I give it a well deserved 4 stars and thank Chris for not only sending me a screener of this but also showing the respect in making this documentary!
The Marine (DVD) – No it isn’t a horror movie but it is a excellent Grade B action film that stars WWE star, John Cena and Terminator 2’s Robert Patrick! It is a perfect throwback to what was being released on video in the late 80s. John Cena plays a marine who gets to come home from Iraq and goes on a getaway with his hot ass wife! Everything is perfect until Robert Patrick and fellow villains kidnap her from a gas station as a hostage. And the action doesn’t stop from there on until the credits roll! A fun mindless action film and a great rent, I give the film 3 ½ stars.
Demon Seed (VHS) - A woman is trapped in her house by a supercomputer and becomes a controlled experiment by the supercomputer which wants to impregnate her and make a super human! Awesome sci-fi B-movie! I give it 3 stars.
Magic (DVD) – Anthony Hopkins stars as a magician who has help from his wooden dummy who tells jokes during his performance. The film takes a strange turn as Hopkins not able to deal with success tries to go into hiding and slowly becomes crazier and crazier as he believes he cannot live without talking to his wooden dummy. A great film that has be copied many times over the years in horror films and many TV series’. So find this original as I give it 3 stars.
The Plague (DVD) – Dawson from “Dawson’s Creek†and a somewhat hot chick must take on kids who are killing people after their ten year coma. An interesting film until the suck ass ending. Not a bad first outing for Clive Barker’s film company but expected more but I guess we will see with future releases. I give it 2 stars.
The Prestige (DVD) – A movie that stars Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale as two magicians who are excellent in pulling off their tricks but feud over who is better as they try top each other and steal each other’s tricks. A cool film worth checking out but was not as impressed with the ending as a lot of other people were. I give it 3 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: LAN_EMAIL_SUBS or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan and you can also find my book I wrote called, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One†that is available at: www.lulu.com and www.amazon.com . My new book “Gross Movie Reviews Volume Two†is now
available at www.lulu.com .Also you can find me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of Ultra Violent magazine. Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
