Loading ...Gross Movie Reviews #76
Posted by Tim on December 31, 2006Gross Movie Reviews #76
By Tim Gross
Where have I been? Good question, mainly being sick with both of my kids and just staying off the computer. But this means lots of more time watching funky, crazy fucked up movies from my collection that will make your New Year worth going out to the video stores an adventure again! So sit back, take notes and get ready about some off the wall films!
Children of the Night (DVD) – Fangoria’s first film was a throw back to a simple vampire film and still one of my favorites out of everything they have released over the years. Ami Dolenz stars as a 17 year old virgin who Ami and a friend go to a flooded out crypt to swim in order to leave the town forever a kind of local legend thing, but they end up releasing a powerful vampire who takes over the whole town. It’s up to Ami, Dom Deluise’s son, and Garrett Morris (Chocolate Chip Willie in The Stuff) to defeat this powerful vampire. Lots of blood and gore and also stars cult horror movie actress Karen Black. I give this movie 3 ½ stars.
Jaws 2 (DVD) – Yes, the shark is back! Pretty much the same characters are back and Amity Island is not safe again as a shark has come back to attack vacationers! Lame sequel because the first film was perfect and could not be topped, but this cheesy sequel is still worth seeing for the shark effects and a very young Keith Gordon (Christine). Remember two more films followed this one making this even better looking with age. I give this film 2 ½ stars.
The Gingerdead Man (DVD) – You have to see it to believe it. This Full Moon feature stars Gary Busey as a man who holds up a diner and kills a girl’s dad who runs a bakery. Of course, Busey is caught and killed in the electric chair. Somebody leaves a special ingredient at the back door of the bakery which happens to be the ashes of Gary Busey’s character. Thinking it is ginger, the girl adds to the gingerbread mix and puts it in the oven and we get “The Gingerdead Manâ€! It is so over the top and crazy that fits right in with the rest of the past Full Moon features. Charles Band made a great come back film as he was under the radar for a few years but this clearly states he is back and ready to make some great cheesy horror films! I give this film 3 stars and the DVD is full of extras.
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out (VHS) – The movie acts like the second film doesn’t exist and picks up five years later with Ricky now played by Bill Moseley who has been in a coma. Well, Ricky is awaken and is after a girl who has been apart of a experiment with Ricky. Ricky is looking for the girl on Christmas Eve night and killing everyone in his path again! This film pretty much should have killed off the series, but it did not despite the bad storyline. Hardcore Silent Night fans should watch this with a grain of salt. I give this film 2 stars.
Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (VHS) – With this sequel they go completely away from the original storyline kinda going Halloween 3 on us. It’s directed by Brain Yunza and stars Reggie Bannister and Clint Howard and the music is done by Richard Band. Reporter woman stubbles upon a woman falling off a building burning to death and that is when she falls deeper and deeper into the cult woman’s plan. Weird, a little of “Society†is in the film but only worth watching of course for Clint Howard’s performance. Thought the movie would suck big cock when I first seen it a while back but is well worth the rental fee if you can find it and you don’t have to be a Silent Night fan to enjoy this sequel. I give it 3 stars.
Countness Dracula Orgy of Blood (DVD) – Hey, out of porn? Find this as they go full frontal lesbian make out a couple of times to retell the story of Dracula if Dracula was a woman. Oh, did I mention the Dracula woman is hot but, tan also throwing out the window anything that this movie wanted to be taken seriously besides just being a great softcore porn film that is better than some regular Triple X stuff out there. So remember men and women looking for porn and don’t want to go in a porn store, you can find this title in a Best Buy, SunCoast, etc. I give this film 0 stars in being a horror film even though I wasn’t expecting much but I give it 4 stars for being a great porn film that does not star Jenna Jameson or Belladonna.
Dead and Deader (DVD) – Sci-fi channel and Dean Cain are at it again in this army zombie film. Surprising though is how much fun the film ends up being, with Dean Cain dies and comes back to life as does his fellow army mates who were exposed to an experiment where they thought terrorist activity was at. One problem is his squad has become complete zombies and want flesh to eat where Dean has strength of ten men and is able to heal from gunshots, etc. but he needs raw meat every once in awhile to overcome his hunger to become a zombie like the rest of his squad! Lots of blood, gore, and comedy help this film be one of the better releases from Sci-fi channel, worth checking out at the video store as I give this film 3 stars.
Superman 2: The Richard Donner Cut (DVD) – Superman fans I can not say how much different this film is compared to the one we have seen for years. It was like seeing a whole different film! This reminds me of Alien 3 with the extra footage it is different film than what we were use to seeing over the years. More Brando scenes, different angles, more General Zod scenes, and what I thought was cool is how the Donner cut of the film actually just continues the first movie storyline flawlessly. This film is beautiful and any Superman fan will want to own this masterpiece. The DVD has lots of extras from how they restored the film to comparing different camera angles from the two movies! I give this DVD 4 stars.
Dr. Chopper (DVD) – This film proves once again anybody can make a slasher film these days… Anyhow a reject from the TV series “Farscape†rides on a motorcycle looking to kill people for their body parts. It’s horrible, it’s a big piece of donkey shit, it leaves it open at the end for a sequel. I will be first in line to rent it when it comes out! The movie gets ½ star.
Jackass Number Two (DVD) – People if you can’t laugh at people doing stupid shit, you are not alive? This humanity at its best as the Jackass crew decide to come back four years later and try to and do top the original movie. Lots of penis stunts that make any person cringe, lots of naked Wee Man getting beer at bars, puking, assbong, more penises, it is crazy and makes you wonder how these guys have not killed themselves let?! The extras are great as they add up to watching another Jackass movie. So come on people get off your high horse and go rent this, because I know you own a copy of Backyard Wrestling and Jackass? I give this movie 4 stars.
The X-Files Season One (DVD) – The show that was said to be too dark at times, and was voted by TV fans as the best show not being watched the first three years of its existence. This show reinvented what a sci-fi/fantasy show should be. Chris Carter made you question what the government does behind closed doors. The show introduces us to the characters Mulder and Scully which will forever be part of the American lexicon. These two characters investigate cases that are declared “X-files†by the FBI which are cases that were never solved because out of the ordinary circumstances! If you were never a fan but always interested here’s your chance to check it out as all nine seasons are now on DVD. But Season One’s episodes are some of the show’s best in the series. With episodes like “Ice†which gives a nod to “The Thingâ€, and “Tooms†which they did two episodes on about a person who can squeeze through your vents to kill you. Watch enough episodes and it will make you question things in your life? I give this set 4 stars.
Any comments please send to: LAN_EMAIL_SUBS or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan and you can also find more reviews in a book I wrote called, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One†that is available at: www.lulu.com/grossmoviereviews, if that doesn’t work just go to www.lulu.com and search in books, “Gross Movie Reviewsâ€! And now don’t forget to check out my website www.bastardsofhorror.com for horror news and other related items plus check out www.bloodtypeonline.com for articles I write exclusively for that website! Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
