Happy Halloween!

Since I can’t feed you bastards apples and razor blades, I figure this is the next best thing. Here’s a short story I wrote whilst on painkillers and Jack. Boys and Ghouls, I give you…The Thing In The Cellar

“Holy Crap, what the hell was that thing?”
“I don’t know, but it sure didn’t like us.”
“Maybe the Black Mass was a bad idea?”
“What do you think Einstein?”
“SHIT! It’s coming up the steps!”
“Hold the door!”
“Can we hold this thing?”
“Fuck, I don’t know!”
“Who’s brilliant idea was this anyway?”
“It was your fucking idea, shithead. You said it would help us get chicks!”
“Brace you’re self against the side of the fridge!”
“I’m trying!”
“This is un-FUCKING-believable! I’m going to die at the hands of some shit festering demon all because you can’t get a fucking date.”
“Fuck you, you were all for it when I came up with the idea.”
“That’s because I THOUGHT IT WOULD WORK!”
“FUCK!”
“Dammit, we’re not going to be able to hold it much longer! We need to do something.”
“No Shit.”
“Think we came make a run for it?”
“You run for it! I’ll take the pictures of that thing cornholing your soul from here!”
“Hey you have a better fucking idea?”
“Fuck you!”
“Aw shit, the door’s starting to crack. What the hell are we going to do now.”
“Great! I can hear it now ‘He was a good kid, it’s a shame he had to die that way because his lame ass friend thought it would be a great idea to have some puke eating Spawn of fucking Hell help them get laid’!”
“Look, I don’t see you coming up with any ideas to get out of this. Think of something, if you’re so smart, asshole!”
“Y’kow when it’s go time, you’re souls getting cornholed first.”
“SHITSHITSHIT!”
“That didn’t sound good!”
“What the fuck is that? Is that a tentacle?”
“It’s the demon’s dick looking for your soul.”
“Maybe, if we can move this fridge back here…”
“Crap, it’s got me by the shirt! Get it off me!”
“Fuck you, no way I’m touching a demon’s dick.”
“This fucking figures. This whole thing was your idea and I’m the one who’s gonna get cornholed first. Tell me one thing before we die?”
“What?”
“Where’d you get that book, anyway?”
“I found it up at the Goodwill. Why?”
“THE GOODWILL? You found it at theMOTHERFUCKING GOODWILL! JESUS H. CHRIST ON A PINWHEEL!”
“Wait do you hear that?”
“It let me go.”
“It’s heading back down the steps.”
“It’s leaving?”
“I…I think so.”
“Maybe when I said Jesus H. Christ on a pinwheel it thought I was praying. Open the door and see if it’s still there.”
“Bullshit, you open the door.”
“Oh fuck you. Fine I’ll open it.”
“Do you see it?”
“I don’t see it anywhere.”
“I bet it went back to Hell. We scared it off!”
“Oh shit, IT”S COMING BACK!”
“Run!”

The End?

See what the boys of Dead Pit Radio have in store for you!

EERIE HORROR FILM FESTIVAL LOOKING FOR ENTRIES FOR 2007!

Calling all you freaky filmmakers and scary screenwriters!

The 2007 Eerie Horror Film Festival Scream for Entries will officially open on Halloween day (October 31, 2006)!!!

Once again we’ll be seeking out independent horror, science fiction, suspense films and screenplays from all around the world!

Show us your horror!

Our submission categories this year are as simple as can be:
* Horror Feature
* Horror Short
* Science Fiction Feature
* Science Fiction Short
* Suspense Feature
* Suspense Short
* Feature Length Screenplay
* Short Screenplay.

Students ages 10 - 17 can submit their films and screenplays in any of the above categories at a special reduced rate as well!

Awards will be presented to the following*:

BEST OF THE FEST ($500.00 cash prize/EHFF trophy)
BEST FEATURE ($250.00 cash prize/EHFF trophy)
BEST SHORT ($250.00 cash prize/EHFF trophy)
BEST DIRECTOR ($100.00 cash prize/EHFF trophy)
BEST ACTOR (EHFF trophy)
BEST ACTRESS (EHFF trophy)
BEST STUDENT FEATURE ($50.00 cash prize/EHFF trophy)
BEST STUDENT SHORT ($50.00 cash prize/EHFF trophy)
BEST SPECIAL EFFECTS (EHFF trophy)
BEST FEATURE LENGTH SCREENPLAY ($300.00/2 night hotel stay)
BEST SHORT SCREENPLAY ($200.00/2 night hotel stay)
BEST STUDENT SCREENPLAY ($75.00/EHFF trophy)

(* = More prizes will be added throughout 2007!)

DIE & LET LIVE SNEAK PEAK TONIGHT @ THE OUTLET FILM FESTIVAL

Anyone who’s in Morgantown tonight and has $2 to spare can check out a sneak peak of upcoming feature film DIE & LET LIVE tonight during The Outlet Halloween Student Film Festival at the Warner Theatre.

The show starts at 7pm at the Warner Theatre (147 High Street) and tickets are only $2. The profit goes toward the WVU student film club, The Outlet.

I have no clue what time the preview will be playing, but you’ll get to see the trailer and the opening scene of the film. This is the first time ANYTHING other than the trailer has been screened to the public.

Huge exclusive news about the film "Gone the Way of Flesh 2"

Yes, everyone knows the sequel is being filmed now! But this a BOH exclusive:

Not only does Troma president “Lloyd Kaufmann” make another cameo appearance but the “hedgehog” himself, the porn legend, “Ron Jeremy” will be making a cameo in the film! And if that isn’t enough, this is for the Pittsburgh fans: sports writer/personality/105.9 morning show DJ “Tim Benz” will be making an appearance also! Gone the Way of Flesh DVD has been pretty much talked about on the 105.9 the X morning show every morning since early August! Well it seems now that the Cut-n-Run Productions crew is working on the details with Tim Benz! After seeing the movie in May at its premeire and heard about a possible sequel I wondered how they could top it? Well, it sounds like they are well on their way of topping the original! Keep checking Bastards of Horror and Cut-n-Run Productions websites for more upcoming details!

BOH visits Kiss of Death Productions latest feature "I, the Killer"

This time around Charlie Fleming and myself were not observers we were the actors! We play two tough plain clothes detectives beating up a suspect played by Daniel Baxter who is a staple in all of the productions of Kiss of Death Productions! It was a great shoot, and we managed to act our way through three pages of script in two in a half hours including a mini-fight scene! Look for pictures of the shoot coming soon and also to keep in mind Charlie and I also have more scenes to come as we are in a scene with Daniel again and the lovely, the talented, and a piece of ass Crystalann Aura! So look for more details about this feature soon!

Gross Movie Reviews #72

Gross Movie Reviews #72
By Tim Gross

Happy Halloween!!!

Boo (DVD) – A frightful scary flick that has teenagers staying in an asylum over night for Halloween that has been shut down for years because of its bad history. Dee Wallace Stone is the big name that appears in this horror flick for about ten minutes total but is a big part of the back-story. Lots of gooey, bloody kill scenes highlight this fright flick that goes for more gore than story but well worth the rental fee. I give it 3 stars.

Hard Candy (DVD) – A very serious and frightening thriller that has a kid turn the tables on a supposedly pedophile! This film is uncomfortable fun to watch but the ending doesn’t live up to the hype of this great independent thriller! But don’t let that sway you from seeing this film; it is a great independent film that uses the basics of a thriller to its fullest! This is a perfect example of a film that shows low budgeted filmmakers sometimes you don’t have to show and explain everything like Hollywood make you believe these days? I give it 3 stars.

Transylvania 6-5000 (DVD) – Jeff Goldblum and Ed Begley Jr. star as journalists who go to Transylvania to find Frankenstein. A tongue-in-cheek comedy that at times is over the top but fits perfectly in with the mid-80’s films that were made at the same time this was! The biggest highlight of the film is Geena Davis as half-naked vampire who is just smokin in her outfit! I give it 3 stars.

The Mysterious Doctor (DVD) – A film made in the 1940’s about a British town that has a mine that’s haunted by a headless ghost! A well paced movie that fits right in with the Universal Monster films! I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Invisible Man (DVD) – One of the original Universal Monster films that stars Claude Rains as a man whose experiment makes him invisible and drives him mad! A very cool horror film that all fright fans need to watch! I give it 3 ½ stars!

Pumpkinhead (DVD) – Partying teenagers on motorcycles racing them near a general store they stopped at accidentally run over a small boy and kill him! The father, Lance Henriksen is riddled with grief and knows only one way of vengeance: “Pumpkinhead”! Lance takes the boy to an old witch who performs a spell and brings to life an 8-foot creature that cannot be stopped until it has killed the ones who are sought by vengeance! A really cool horror film, made in 1987 that help cement the way of Lance Henriksen’s legendary horror movie career. I give the film 4 stars!

Pumpkinhead 2: Blood Wings (DVD) – Seven years later a sequel is made and even though it stars the likes of Andrew (Hellraiser) Robinson, Linnea (ROTLD) Quigley, and Mickey Dolenz of The Monkees fame, daughter Amy Dolenz, the film fails to deliver anything worth watching this time around. Especially as they try too much into justifying the reasons for Pumpkinhead and go off track from the first film as what exactly he is! I give it 1 star.

Pumpkinhead 3: Ashes to Ashes (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – 11 years later Sci-fi channel decides to resurrect “Pumpkinhead” in the first of back to back sequels. This sequel is directed by none other than Jake West of “Razor Blade Smile” fame! West goes back to the original story and even brings back original cast members including Lance Henriksen as a ghost of Ed Harley! But along with some originals Doug (Pinhead) Bradley is also along for the ride. This time around four people raise “Pumpkinhead” to find the individuals who have stole organs and skin from the townspeople who have recently died. Not a great sequel and some bad CGI of Pumpkinhead ruins the legend of Pumpkinhead, but hey it is better than part 2, right? I give it 1 ½ stars.

House of Dracula (DVD) – A Universal Monster movie made in the 1940’s that has a scientist trying to cure Dracula and the Wolf Man of their conditions! But of course Dracula turns the tables on the scientist and turns him into a vampire. A great movie that stars most of the Universal Monsters! I give it 3 ½ stars.

It Waits (DVD) – A boring horror movie about a monster that looks like a breeding product of Pumpkinhead and a werewolf that is actually a demon that has been unleashed from a cave! The first half hour is pretty much about if you are a “hot piece of ass” and drinking and driving you can get away with killing your friend after a drinking binge, keep her exotic bird, and get to fuck your dream guy and live to tell about it to a FBI agent and face no charges! Great fucking movie, next time I’ll go let somebody finger my ass with a plunger for more fun! I give it 0 stars!

Any comments please send to: LAN_EMAIL_SUBS or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan and you can also find more reviews in a book I wrote called, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One” that is available at: www.lulu.com/grossmoviereviews, if that doesn’t work just go to www.lulu.com and search in books, “Gross Movie Reviews”! And now don’t forget to check out my website www.bastardsofhorror.com for horror news and other related items plus check out www.bloodtypeonline.com for articles I write exclusively for that website! Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………

Check out and see what our friends in Michigan are cooking up?

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www.unsafefilmoffice.com

A link to the new remake "Day of the Dead", so you can laugh!

Day of the Dead remake trailer