Loading ...
Know who she is? She was in Beyond Re-Animator and this Spanish hottie will be starring in the new movie Snakes on the Plane! Maybe a reason to go see it?
Gross Movie Reviews #63
By Tim Gross
S*I*C*K 2 (Serial Insane Clown Killer) (DVD) – Yes, that is the title! The killer clown is back… Bad acting, bad blood effects, an even lower budget than the first movie, and has nothing to do with the first film! The first film sucked ass and so did the second film! Again you know if it has a sequel I’m going to rent it, so be warned, this film blows donkey dick! I give it 0 stars!
The Beast of Bray Road (Sci-fi channel/DVD) – A low budget film that tries to take a different crack at the werewolf legend. Pretty much if you ever seen the Fox TV series “Werewolf� in the late 80’s, you have seen this movie already? It is just with a very low budget and a good looking woman as the werewolf instead of the good looking man. It has its moments but not enough to make you want to run to the video store and rent it! I give it 1 star.
Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders (DVD) – It has some cool murders but gets a little off base from the true story as the other movies about the “Hillside Strangler�. If there is any reason to keep your ass sitting through this almost complete shitfest it would the very edible and delicious looking Brittany Daniel who also starred in “Club Dread� and “Piñata�. I give the movie ½ star.
The Hunt For Eagle One (VHS) – What the hell? A war movie? Dam it if I ever taught you anything it is Rutger Hauer is god and he stars as a marine general in this movie trying to send a squad into North Korea to save his men! I give the movie 2 ½ stars.
Return to Horror High (DVD) – In 1982, a maniac kills several people at a small high school, six years later a film crew goes to the school to film the movie about it in complete bloody fashion. The movie has appearances by the chic that played Marsha Brady on “The Brady Bunch� and George Clooney! Lots of blood, lots of tits as the producer screams for, and a plot that predates Scream by several years! This semi-low budget flick is awesome and was overlooked during the late 80’s when the slasher-age was dying of a slow death! A great double feature with this flick would be Slaughter High which came out only 9 months before this movie. I give it 4 stars!
The Nightmare Before Christmas (DVD) – Tim Burton can be a moron sometimes and other times he can be a genius? This movie made him look like a genius. With unbelievable stop-motion animation that is still talked about today. It is a movie about Jack Skeleton who lives Halloween everyday and would like something different for one day so he goes and kidnaps Santa Claus in one of the funniest and darkest children’s films ever filmed! I give it 4stars. Children’s films? I don’t even know you can classify it as a children film… I’ll get back to that!
The Descent (DVD-R) – 2006, has not seen many good horror films until now. The horror film that came out in the UK has finally come to America and it kicks Hollywood’s PG-13 horror right in the fucking gonads! The film is about a group of female friends who go caving to get over a tragic event one year before. One problem is once they are in the cave it collapses and they go further on to find no way out and hungry predators that are sure glad to see them. Lots of fucking blood, no nudity (which is good if you are able to pull a kick ass horror storyline off), and some scary ass moments make-up possibly the best horror film of 2006! I give it 4 stars.
The Tox Box (DVD) - One of the many Toxic Avenger box sets out there from Troma including an all-new 2007 box set next year. So, take your fucking pick but I bought this one and sticking with it. The first disc is of course the classic Toxic Avenger in its director’s cut form! A story about a 98 pound weakling who falls into toxic waste after a bad practical joke and mutants into this seven foot ugly mess of a superhero! He saves Tromaville from crime and manages to get a hot blonde bimbo who is blind of course! The second disc is Toxic Avenger 2 in its director’s cut form where Melvin or Toxic Avenger goes to Japan to tackle his issues! If there is a weak Toxic Avenger movie out of the four movies it would be this film as it seems not to catch the feeling of fun and messiness of the first. But that is more than made up for in Toxic Avenger 3: The Last Temptation of Toxie which does not get enough due as being a great movie as Toxie takes on Satan himself! Plus Toxie 3 has the classic line from Toxic Avenger after being pissed on by Satan, “OK, now I’m pissed!� How can you go wrong with that? It’s fucking mind blowing! But what makes this box set a gem is that is the first Troma was able to get the rights to release “The Toxic Crusaders� cartoons on DVD! All the episodes for you to see one DVD, and the sad part is even though it was a short lived cartoon series for kids it was very popular! This is pretty much the best box set to get of the Toxic Avenger movies until next year when Troma releases another box set that will also include the fourth movie with this box set together and all new commentaries and other Troma goodies. I give this box set 4 stars.
The Toxic Avenger 4: Citizen Toxie (DVD) – The movie does star the beautiful and talented Debbie Rochon but it also has Toxie face his biggest foe yet! Himself! There is blood, there is nudity, there is more blood, and there is chaos as even some old characters from the first movie make their return! I give it 3 ½ stars!
The Clerks 2 (theater) – Before I start this review, have you ever seen any of the Kevin Smith films? Dogma? Mallrats? The Clerks? If no, don’t bother you won’t get the humor and most likely bitch to your local Catholic priest about the film! But anyhow if you have this is a must see as they have gone completely over the line, as the Clerks are back and now working at MOOBY’s! There’s talk about mouth to ass, the real meaning of porch monkeys, the ring, jerking off, plus a scene like no other as Jay does the famous dancing scene from “Silence of the Lambs�! And last but not least, FUCKING DONKEY SEX! The movie is so funny and so over the top it makes entertaining for the whole family! I give it 4 stars!
Any comments please send to: LAN_EMAIL_SUBS or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan and you can also find more reviews in a book I wrote called, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One� that is available at: www.lulu.com/grossmoviereview , www.amazon.com, www.borders.com, or www.barnesandnoble.com . Remember folks support your local independent video store and not Blockbuster…