Archive for the ‘Reviews’ Category
Posted by Tim on
October 1, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #138
By Tim Gross
I’ll be seeing you at Wasteland…
Feardotcom (DVD) – Movie starts off wonderful but goes downhill quickly. This horror flick is about a lead detective and his partner trying to track down a serial killer who has gone to the internet to show off his talents while a ghost of a little girl seems to be killing anyone who watches the serial killer’s web show within 48 hours (sound familiar?). The great Udo Kier makes a brief appearance to set up the story and stars Stephen Dorff (the kid from “The Gate” BUT ALL GROWN UP NOW) as led detective and Jeffery Combs as his partner. Great talent in a worthless film adds up to falling sleep while watching this turd! I give it 1 ½ stars.
Murder Party (DVD) – A wonderful horror film about an unknown average man who seems to live alone with his cat and just happens to pick up an invite off the ground to a “Murder Party” on Halloween night! Of course he makes his own costume, makes pumpkin bread, and he is off to the “Murder Party”. Problem is when he gets there he learns that he is going to be murdered on Halloween night for art so some art students can get a large grant for their dream art project! While he is tied up and waiting to be murdered the art students begin killing each other by accident at times and on purpose at other times. This low budget affair is just awesome, brilliant, and at times just too fucking much. The film’s Make-up FX are just perfect and make the film that much more fun to watch. This horror film is a must watch on all horror fan’s film lists to watch at Halloween as I give this DVD that also has extras on ‘how to make your own knight costume’ and ‘how to make pumpkin bread’ 4 stars. Also look for the dude who gets the werewolf mask melted to his face because he catches on fire.
Hospital Massacre (VHS) – A very rare slasher film from the early 80s about a woman who goes in to pick up routine test results instead spends a night of terror in the hospital because of a mix up of records. This mix up isn’t by accident as a man is killing everyone in the hospital so all he has left is her. Pay attention to the beginning of the film as it takes place on Valentine’s Day but also has cameo appearances by two-thirds of the young starring cast of “Bloody Birthday”! I give this cool but sometimes boring slasher film 2 stars.
Scooby-Doo! And The Legend of the Vampire (DVD) – Scooby-Doo and the gang go from the beach to a heavy metal concert on ‘Vampire Island’ where the concert seems to be haunted by an evil vampire who kidnaps all the bands. This is another one of the recent movies of the new Scooby-Doo that doesn’t live up to all the cool fun of the originals back in the day! Pretty much the only good new Scooby-Doo is the first movie that revived the franchise “Zombie Island”? I give it 1 ½ stars.
Near Year’s Evil (DVD-R) – A cool holiday slasher flick that has a semi-hot New Year’s TV host being stalked in L.A. by a killer who is killing a woman every hour on the hour to celebrate New Year’s until he gets to her. Cheesy at times, but just another reminder of a slasher film that needs a proper DVD release as I give it 3 stars.
Synchronicity (DVD) – All I can say is wow! I haven’t seen a film quite like this since SRS Cinema’s release of the film “Period”, and yeah it is exactly about that… But anyhow, this no budget Indy flick is very intriguing as it is about a man whose brain decides it does not want to be with him anymore. The story only begins there as the man tries to deal with everyday life without his brain and begins to tell his friend all about what has been happening to him from his brain leaving him to him fucking a living corpse of a woman to seeing a bunch of bloody naked people that seem to live in his kitchen and refrigerator. Very strange but fun to watch if not on acid and has an ending that makes you think about the whole film all over again? This no budget flick has some cool things going for it: lots of blood and gore, lots of naked people (be warned as there are lots of small penis shots in the film), and just being one fucked up film by Brian Hirschbine as I give it 3 stars. You can find out more about the film or purchase a copy of the movie at www.freewebs.com/abortionbin or www.myspace.com/abortionbin .
Curse of Alcatraz (DVD) – A crumby ass horror flick about some dumb ass scientists checking into a murder at ‘Alcatraz Island’. Guess what? The movie sucks donkey dick… Who fucking saw that coming with a title like that? I give it a ½ star.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the past and present issues of Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me in Strongsville, Ohio for Cinema Wasteland October 3rd thru the 5th, 2008 and go to www.cinemawasteland.com for details…
Also coming up next for me is an appearance with Rick of the Dead and the DSK Productions gang at the Screaming Tiki Con in Niles, Ohio, on October 18th, 2008. Go to www.screamingtiki.com or www.eastwoodmall.com for ticket info and details about the show.
And yes folks I’ll be making an appearance at Pittsburgh Zombie Fest 2008 October 25th & 26th, for all the bloody and gory details go to www.theitsaliveshow.com .
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my book:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
September 23, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #137
By Tim Gross
I’m back again with more crap for you to read and go see… I had a brain fart last week; I spent some time off the computer and didn’t watch many movies just because I was at a crossroads in my life. The crossroads was should I continue watching and reviewing horror movies and have fun doing it? Part of what brought this on is I’m broke as fuck! Up to my neck debt broke…LOL! So, movies for me have been scarce lately… Since I have watched pretty much my whole collection and not having money to buy DVDs, and the new book not selling many copies I was wondering if I should just go off the radar. Take down the myspace page stop posting on Bastards of Horror and even stop going to horror conventions… Yes, I thought about it? Then I sat back gave it a few seconds of real thought and remembered why I do this… Why I write the reviews? Why I watch all those shitty and awful sequels? Why I work my ass off to sell four books at a convention? Why I’m willing to watch any no budget film that a respectable filmmaker gives me? The answer: Because I love horror movies! Its fun! It’s an experience that cannot be explained. So, I thought a little more, became more focused, and know I might not get anywhere with my books, my reviews, but I remembered why I started it to begin with and its because it is fun and for me that is all I need since the horror genre is filled with quite a few people out there who are all business and no fun and cannot get over themselves! So hey Indy filmmakers, friends, have a horror film? Send it to me: unlike Fango, Horrorhound, and Rue Morgue, I’ll watch it and review it and proud to say my book has been rejected by all three! Boys… Girls… and the undead… I give you “Gross Movie Reviews”! Here to stay past ‘til death do us part’!!!! Thank you for reading.
The Reaping (DVD) – Hillary Swank is apparently the savior of mankind as she goes to Louisiana to solve an environmental problem and ends up banging some random dude who happens to be part of a cult who is hurting this little blonde girl that holds the key to save us all from the great plague! I give it 2 stars.
Hatchet For A Honeymoon (VHS) – A classic Mario Bava film from 1970/71 about a man who is very unhappy with his marriage and decides to become a serial killer of the people who work for him over the years and they get married. Some cool blood effects and a movie worth seeking out by Bava fans as I give it 3 stars.
Smokin’ Aces (DVD) – Jeremy Piven is a wannabe mob boss in Vegas who gets the ultimate hit put out on him when he is about to go into ‘witness protection’ for him turning on all his friends. One problem, every hitman knows about it and wants the one million dollar reward. Cool action flick with more hookers and hot women than most porn films? I give it 3 stars.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (DVD) – WHY? Fuck you for making it!
Universal Horror (Internet) – A very cool documentary style movie that looks back at how Universal Studios shaped horror movies and the industry in 1920s, 30s, and 40s! This has a lot of stuff about how the Universal Monsters came to be and who was actually suppose to play them before Karloff, Chaney, Lugosi, etc. Excellent film for monster fans to check out and be found through www.chillertv.com .
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder (DVD) – Casper Van Dien is back to reprise his role as ‘Johnny Rico’ still leading his troops in the war against the bugs eight years later. A few new things with the bad ass bugs, the great commercials from the first film, and great gore make the movie worth watching. What hurts the film the most is its low budget… Let me explain since the second film was made for nothing basically, where this one was made for a few million but still low budget by industry standards. “Starship Troopers” is one of the few films I believe that can only be pulled off with a 40 million dollar or more budget! But I still give the new sequel 2 ½ stars.
War (DVD) – Jet Li and the Transporter dude star in this kick ass action flick where a FBI agent has been searching for a hitman that seems to never get seen or killed and is considered a myth among the rich Asian mobs! He becomes an obsession over time by the FBI agent after he kills his partner three years earlier. Awesome, mindless violence friends… I give it 3 stars.
Postal (DVD) – Uwe Boll’s oddball film that resembles “Epic Movie” and “Scary Movie” with a lot of political satire instead of making fun of other movies. The movie pretty much hits or misses very badly with the jokes but is awesome just for having Dave Foley from “Kids in the Hall” fame not only do a full frontal scene but take a nasty shit while naked and still talking to his assistant! This movie has an audience but whether it finds them or not will be seen over the next couple of years, just don’t watch it with a wife that has no humor? I give it 2 stars and Uwe… stick to “House of the Dead 3: Shitty as Hell”?
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me in Strongsville, Ohio for Cinema Wasteland October 3rd thru the 5th, 2008 and go to www.cinemawasteland.com for details…
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my book:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
September 3, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #136
By Tim Gross
I spent the past weekend watching six straight hours of old school ECW and this fun batch of films I’m sure you’ll enjoy?
Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (DVD) – Yeah, I have reviewed this before but this is for the 20th anniversary edition DVD that was just released. It is of course a four star film that stars a naked Linnea Quigley, a naked Michelle Bauer, Gunnar Hansen, and lots of blood and chainsaws in which hookers draw men into their evil clutches and sacrifice them to their god! But anyhow horror fans you need to go out and buy this one now as the first DVD that was released a few years back went out of print quickly plus this new DVD has some pretty cool extras from Fred Olen Ray! Again I give it 4 stars!
Drive-in Massacre (DVD) – A film from 1976 during the drive-in boom that was written by George ‘Buck’ Flower who also makes an appearance. The film is a perfect flick for the drive-in as it was made mainly only to be seen in the drive-in where couples that are bumping uglies are being killed by an unknown killer. Who knows he could be at your drive-in? I give it 2 ½ stars.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (DVD) – A sequel to the Jamie Lee Curtis film but has nothing to do with it mainly due too it was once called “The Haunting of Hamilton High” during film production. But during the time between when it was finished and when it was released in 1988 the studio changed the name in order to get more people interested in the film. But anyhow, Michael Ironside plays the principal of Hamilton High where apparently his ex-girlfriend is back 30 years later to seek revenge against him. Some very cool kill scenes, lots of ‘bush’ being shown throughout the film (this was before shaving was the in thing to do), and the movie reminds you a lot of the Stephen King film “Carrie”. But even after 20 years this underrated slasher still holds up with all its blood and guts… The only sad part of the whole DVD was there were no extras which of course sucks elephant cock, but anyhow I still give it 3 stars.
Beyond the Darkness (DVD) – An Eye-talian flick made by the famous filmmaker Joe D’Amato… The film is a little long but fun once it gets going as it’s about a man whose love has died and refuses to part with her. He digs her grave up and disembowels her and then stuffs her so he can place her in his bed. The scene is very gruesome, sick, and I loved every second of it. From there the ugly woman he lives with helps him get rid of the bodies of other women he attacks and eats. I never realized how fucking cool this film is as it has some jaw dropping FX heavy scenes. A must have for any gorehound’s collection! I give it 3 ½ stars.
Graveyard Shift (Theater/DVD) – All horror movie fans have a guilty pleasure and this film is one of mine. It’s fucking horrible film about a half rat/half bat that is attacking people in a warehouse of course located in Bangor, Maine. While workers keep disappearing and rat population is on the rise the foreman just keeps running the warehouse and hires an exterminator to try and take care of the rat problem. Lots of plot that makes no sense and I really wish if there was deleted footage it would be released on a special edition DVD at some point just in hope of explaining some of the film’s scenes. Again this is one of my guilty pleasures as I try to watch this anytime it’s on or rent every once in awhile just because. But one cool thing about this bloodfest of man vs. mutant animal is Brad Dourif makes an appearance as the weird exterminator and Andrew Divoff with a pretty big role before “Wishmaster” as one of the main workers in the warehouse. The movie is so fucking bad its better over time and I give this bad flick 3 stars.
Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay (DVD) – The sequel picks up about 15 minutes after the first film with Harold and Kumar getting their shit together so they can catch a flight to Amsterdam to surprise Harold’s new girlfriend. And of course everything goes wrong when they are mistaken for terrorists when Kumar brings on the plane his smokeless bong to smoke weed! From there funny shit just happens… Cockmeat sandwiches, incest, one-eyed kids from incest, Neil Patrick Harris looking for a unicorn and eating a shitload of mushrooms, lots of vagina and I mean lots… but the film fails to top the original. Now, Neil Patrick Harris once again playing himself steals the film but the movie fails outside of him as the original might be too good to top? But still worth renting, smoking up, and help Neil Patrick Harris look for the unicorn! I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Silent Night Deadly Night Part 5: The Toy Maker (VHS) – Brian Yunza helped produce and write this film in 1991 that has absolutely nothing to do with the original. This deadly holiday flick begins with a kid who hears something at the door and goes find out what it is after he notices his dad is busy boffing mom. Well, it is a present and the kid opens it and dad comes and sends the kid to bed to check out what the kid got only to be killed by the toy. To summarize the film think modern day Pinocchio mixed with a little of Charles Band’s “Demonic Toys” starring Mickey Rooney and an appearance by Clint Howard. Nothing exciting as Charles Band did it first, several times over… but if you are a horror fan that likes to complete their collection or needs to watch every sequel you’ll wanna watch this shitty sequel as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me in Strongsville, Ohio for Cinema Wasteland October 3rd thru the 5th, 2008 and go to www.cinemawasteland.com for details…
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books is:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
August 27, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #135
By Tim Gross
Sorry folks it has taken so long to get a new batch of reviews out but between work, Fright Night Film Fest, and not sleeping I haven’t had a whole lot of time to dedicate to watching horror films lately… But with Labor Day weekend coming I’m hoping to watch the rest of the movies I got from FNFF and find other shit to watch and dedicate more time to watching some of the shittiest horror films out there? Remember someone has to do it!
Monster Ark (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – Renee O’Connor stars as an archeologist whose ex-husband possibly found the lost ark “Noah’s Ark”? And it just happens to hold the last of the mysterious CGI demons from the past that will start the apocalypse! The movie is shit, shit, and more shit, but it does also star Tommy Lister Jr. mostly known for his role in the wrestling film “No Holds Barred” as Zeus! I give it a ½ star just for Xena’s sidekick but be warned as this movie could possibly cause brain damage watching it?
Haddonfield: A Halloween Fan Film (DVD) – David ‘The Goose’ Gooslin made a fan film that lasts close to forty minutes and that is about Michael Myers and the events that perhaps happened between the end of the first film and when Michael decides to make his way to Haddonfield Hospital to kill Laurie Strode, his sister, in the second film. David shows off his “Halloween” knowledge by intertwining characters from the 1978 and 1981 films fills in the blanks with some his own characters and storyline as Michael continues his killing spree in this fan film. It’s a very fun film to watch if you are any kind of Myers film fan and has an ending that takes place three days later in ’78 after the infamous killings that stars DeadPit.com’s Uncle Bill and Creepy Kentuckian in a scene that had me almost pissing my pants laughing at what happens. It is a scene that many original “Halloween” film fans would love and understand totally… My only real problem with the fan film is the sound, being mostly at the beginning as it sounds like it was filmed in a fish tank. And David’s use of the character ‘Ben Trammer’ from the original “Halloween” confused me a bit as I thought it was revealed in the second film he is the unknown young man who was killed in the fiery crash at the beginning of the second film while walking home from a party looking like Michael Myers and not making out with a girl on his couch who was added to the story by Gooslin and was killed off? Hey, I could be wrong, but it made me want to watch the first two films again without it being the Halloween holiday and watch this film in-between the first two films… But “Halloween” fans you need this DVD as I give it 3 stars and more about it can be found at www.myspace.com/haddonfieldfanfilm or www.deadpit.com . Now, if I only can talk ‘The Goose’ into making a fan film for “Halloween III: The Season of the Witch”?
Bob (DVD) – A short two minute film from a filmmaker named Waylon Bacon about a man named Bob who is loved by the community until he is met with an untimely and gruesome death by speeding motorist. I give it 3 stars and more about the filmmaker can be found out at www.wayonbacon.com .
The Brainiac (DVD) – An oldie but goodie from 1961 and filmed in black and white where a man is tortured and killed for his devious crimes in 1661 and he declares he will seek his revenge 300 years later on the people’s decedents who have done this to him. I give this B-movie 1 ½ stars.
Flu Bird Horror (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – Pretty much a film that has giant fucked up birds that carry a mutant strain of the ‘bird flu’ and they are attacking rehabbing youths in the woods and their only hope is that dude who starred in “Jaws the Revenge”! Or to put it simple, it sucks donkey balls! I give it 0 stars.
Nympha (DVD) – Tiffany Shepis stars as a woman named Sarah who goes to Italy to give herself fully to god. Well, the nuns have other plans like torture because you should only need your soul to talk to god… A odd and very weird feeling kind of film that has a nun getting banged from behind by a drunk doctor, a very long but awesome lesbian scene from Tiffany and another woman for more than likely no apparent reason to establish her dreaming, Tiffany getting tortured several times, weird flashbacks and visions that explain the reason why she is there, incest, and pretty much you get a cool independent Eye-talian flick! I give it 2 ½ stars and can be found at www.mtivideo.com .
Doctor Blood’s Coffin (DVD) – A man named Peter Blood wants to experiment with living humans in order to bring back the dead at medical school but gets kick out and decides to continue his experiments back at his little village while falling in love with the lovely and legendary actress Hazel Court. Sounds like a classic B-flick to most but to me sounds more like the prelude for the film we now know as “Re-Animator” as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Brimstone (DVD) – Michael Wade Johnson’s first feature (or no budget Indy flick) is about four Goths who become great friends and lovers at film school. Well, three of the friends go home and go to a place called ‘Brimstone’ and a incident happens that summer and when they come back to school they are different and not themselves and eventually kill themselves while haunting the last of them until she is driven to the place that effected them all! Some of the usual problems for your usual first Indy feature that put a little damper on the flick but I have to give Michael props for actually having a character committing suicide the right way (you need to see to understand) and having naked dead people having sex to haunt their friend can never hurt a film! Again if you get through the very long at times 84 minute movie, you see the potential of another cool indy horror filmmaker in the making as I give the film 2 ½ stars as it got an extra half star for having the correct way of suicide in a cool scene. If interested in purchasing or finding more out about the film go to www.myspace.com/brimstonemovie or www.myspace.com/fauxpas23 .
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me in Strongsville, Ohio for Cinema Wasteland October 3rd thru the 5th , 2008 and go to www.cinemawasteland.com for details…
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
August 18, 2008
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Fright Night Film Fest 2008
By Tim Gross
The Good
In my opinion and from where I was set up at, it seemed the turn out for the convention was even bigger than last year… Much bigger and unexpected as it has been rumored that many conventions this summer have reported low attendance? There was a line of people that filled the hotel lobby an hour before the show opened Friday evening and Saturday morning. The celebrity guests were pretty cool and plentiful as you had a Phantasm reunion that included Angus Scrimm, Friday the 13th Jasons and other various cast members from Part Three, cast members from the original Halloween, the awesome and very cool wrestlers Al Snow and Mick Foley, Jason Lively from “Night of the Creeps”, Tiffany Shepis who was the life of the party as usual, Danielle Harris, and many others that had the convention guest room jam packed all weekend. A lot of Dead Pit members showed up in force to not only support www.deadpit.com but got a sneak peek at the film documentary about the fantastic duo that went over like gang busters in the screening room that included lots of board members with a special guest “Slipcase” (Dead Pit fans know who I’m talking about). A special “Savage Streets” screening after the “Into the Pit” sneak peek that is sure to be talked about for many years to come in Louisville as the room was packed and a few or so people leave as the room became very rowdy and party like that it had a life of its own that was talked about by many who did not attend or hotel staff that I also chatted with! Also I cannot forget as many vendors won’t, Robert Elkins dressed head to toe in a much disfigured zombie costume to promote his latest project that was playing at the film fest and I turned it into “NWA Saturday Night” with me as Dusty Rhodes and Robert as Dirty ‘Dead’ Dick Murdock doing promos for our upcoming matches!
The Bad
There wasn’t a whole lot bad about the convention except two sticking points with the convention goers and vendors alike: A) $25 autographs or pictures for almost all the guests… There was a couple who charged only $10 or $15 but this was the hot topic among convention goers and vendors. Is this economy related, gas related, being a complete money gouging asshole related? This has not been answered and I’m sure this will not be answered anytime soon but it has already affected the way people go to horror conventions and not only spend their money but decide whether to seek out all the celebrities they want to meet or try and take a chance on the latest DVD from a independent filmmaker who is trying to make a name for himself. There is a line being crossed in the sand already by some horror fans including myself about paying these higher autograph prices. I think part of the problem is due too, some minor celebrities who think they are actually bigger than what they are instead of understanding “you do not want to cut off the hand that feeds you?” B) The celebrity room was very cramped and uncomfortable especially since it seemed the hotel did not believe in having the AC on during the day. I was sweating pounds off like a fucking pig and all I was doing at times was talking to horror fans and sitting. But for the most part there wasn’t a whole to complain about as most of it had to do with the amount charged for autographs and pictures…
The Ugly
Where do I start with this subject? There was plenty of ugly going on in Louisville, Kentucky. A) Lady horror fans who feel they can fit in size 8 clothes but in reality you are a size 20 or 22 please refrain from wearing corsets, cut off shirts, or skirts that reveal more that needs to be revealed like having no ass just fat hanging there for example as one girl took the prize early Saturday morning when I seen a girl who had a tramp stamp bulging out from under her corset like it was somebody trying to pop a zit! I swear it was changing color because of the blood flow being cut off (but cool effect). B) Horror guys, stop wearing sun glasses inside the convention the whole day, you look like a fucking asshole that we all make fun of to entertain ourselves during slow points of conventions! Plus, “TAKE A FUCKING BATH, YOU SMELLY, DIRTY, SIMPSON COMIC BOOK GUY LOOKING MOTHER FUCKERS”!!!! My god I was about to bust the fire hose two or three times before I puked all over my table! C) Half naked people playing in the hallways of the hotel at 3 in the morning, I don’t mind, you are entertaining but it’s usually annoying to most. D) The “Savage Streets” screening was good and ugly for various reasons as Rick of DSK-Productions and I not only chased off several people from a packed room but entertained the ones that stayed for a drunk-induced commentary that was like no other and will talked about for years among all who come to Fright Night Film Fest every year. As I ended the screening with me running to my hotel room puking in the bathroom for an hour, sleep, get up ready to go hang out again and then realize I have to shit the rest of guts out and then sleep again in the bathroom, eventually deciding I need to actually find my bed but found out Holiday Inn has one very comfortable bathroom. E) Jason Payne (Pain, however you spell it) and Robert Elkins stayed back before the screening to drink vodka and orange juice together for two hours and neither wants to talk about it?! F) It was ugly but fun but Rick and me meeting other Dead Pit members as “Creepy Bill” and Uncle Kentuckian”. G) What top the weekend, I only sold four books but was able to sell a 22 year old street hockey mask for more than I paid for it in 1986! Fuck, next time I’m looking in the back of my truck to sell shit than the books.
Overall, Ken the convention promoter put together another great convention that was not only bigger and better than last year’s but promises it will be again next year as he strives to put a show on that not only people in the Midwest area enjoy but other horror fans around the country will want to come to also. Fright Night Film Fest 2008 definitely gets the Tim Gross stamp of approval and a must see show for all horror fans!
Thank you Aaron and Wes again for helping me out and to Ken for having me as apart of a great convention as I had another great time in Louisville and thank you to all who stopped by the table and hung out and that includes the crowd of Dead Pit members!
Stuff you might want to check out:
Robert Elkins (Backwoods and Backwoods 2) www.eyesoreproductions@rocketmail.com
Forgive My Sins Production Company
revjesse@hotmail.com (Jesse is a make-up artist looking for work and wants to talk to you filmmakers) He will have a website up soon called www.forgivemysins.com
David Rupp
www.infernaldreams.2fear.com (Custom Horror Graphics and Reviews) Filmmakers he is looking for your screeners…
Aldo Romero
Multi Media Production out of New York
www.symbioticfilm.com
Art Held Hostage
Elias Dancey is looking to distribute your film Indy guys! (He’s helping Robert Elkins with his latest project that stars Tiffany Shepis!) www.artheldhostage.com
Posted by Tim on
August 18, 2008
The Dead Matter: Cemetery Gates (Music CD)
Music written and produced by Midnight Syndicate
Bonus tracks performed by Gavin Goszka
www.midnightsyndicate.com
www.thedeadmatter.com
Review by Tim Gross
Midnight Syndicate has their latest music CD available called “The Dead Matter: Cemetery Gates”. Fresh off of their effort for the film “The Rage” in 2007 they bring another scary, eerie, and refreshing sound that makes you want to bust your Halloween shit out early and start setting up the house! This latest CD is not your basic background music for a horror film or cheap scary music you would find in the $3 bin at a ‘Party City’. It’s a refreshing effort that can chill the hardest of hardcore horror movie fans’ bones and make you feel you are trapped in a Fulci zombie film or a ‘Hammer’ classic. Track number one, “Cathedral Ruins” draws you in instantly as it brings images of Fulci’s great work in the early 80s when you first witness his films and sucks you with the creepy feeling you use to feel when you first started watching horror films in your childhood and does not let go of you until the last track “Lullaby” ends. “The Dead Matter” is a brilliant collection of music that could be used for your scary haunted house for Halloween or I can see it being used for a cool, inventive, creepy independent horror film. Midnight Syndicate’s latest effort is not the official soundtrack for the film “The Dead Matter” which is scheduled for an early 2009 release but has some tracks from the CD that are used in the upcoming film. This news makes me very excited about the upcoming film to see where and how the tracks are used. Any horror fan that would hear this music would be stupid to not buy Midnight Syndicate’s latest collection of music as they prove again not since Carpenter’s efforts during the 80s has such a collection fit the horror genre and make you or as a horror fan to want filmmakers making their latest project to include such a soon to be classic collection! I give this perfect fitting horror genre CD four stars out of four stars.
Posted by Charlie on
August 13, 2008
Poultrygiest: Night of the Chicken Dead (Theater) – Ok folks, lets be serious I think most of us including me thought this film was going to be an absolute mess? A huge shitfest, I’m talking Craven’s “Cursed”, right? Well, with all the doubts, all those reports of money and distribution problems I read about, Lloyd has outdone himself… and I’m glad to see it. The movie was great and more! The plot of the film centers around a young couple who are about to embark on their journey into adulthood promising nothing will change them or their relationship. Six months later… The girl is a lesbian of course and the boy is just a confused man by his girlfriend sucking holes with her new friend at a protest outside of a new fast food place! The boy decides to work at the fast food place against his supposedly girlfriend’s wishes and strange things begin to happen as the store is about to open. Strange green eggs appear and blamo! Full force, in your face, Troma style kind of a movie as the customers unknowing begin to eat infected chicken dead legs, thighs, breasts, etc. Blood, lesbians, topless women, chicken zombies, a dead guy with a mop as a cock, exploding shitfest in a bathroom from a fat guy, all the usuals from Troma past, human zombies after ingesting possessed chicken eggs by dead Indians that can be killed by alcohol, lots of politically incorrect jokes, and the film is part musical! I’m so glad Lloyd was able to make a Troma film in this day and age that Troma fans want. The film is not only an excellent addition to the classics “The Toxic Avenger” and “Class of Nuke’EM High” of Tromaville but the flick has that late 80s Troma movie kinda feel. I thank Lloyd for renewing my faith in the best independent film company out there and give this fine film 3 ½ stars!
Posted by Tim on
August 10, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #134
By Tim Gross
Sometimes They Come Back… For More (DVD) – The third in this suck ass series of films based on a short story of the great horror writer Stephen King. This time around some scientists are stuck in the Artic Circle “The Thing” style and MPs have been sent in to find out why communication is down and what the hell is going on. Next thing you know an overused storyline and a bunch of zombies later and it becomes a fight between two disciples of Satan in which one wants to bring their father into the world and the other wants to live a normal life and bang the snot out of his woman he just met at this little Artic scientist station. Once you watched it you’ll ask yourself, “why I watch this piece of shit?” But remember it’s a sequel it needs to be seen. I give this limp dick sequel ½ star.
Robot Jox (DVD) – A cheesy and cool produced Charles Band film that is set in the future where the major countries no longer have war to settle things they use giant robots with one man that controls them to fight over oil fields, established countries, government, etc. Some effects are actually very cool at times and other times, well you know it’s Empire Pictures… But a great movie that takes you back to your childhood watching shit on HBO on an early Saturday morning before cartoons came on. I give this DVD 3 stars.
The Midnight Meat Train (Theater) – Clive Barker’s latest creation but he did not direct, is based on one his early stories about a photographer who becomes obsessed with a man who looks like a professional business man and rides the subway after midnight in New York. His obsession grows when he sees people who get on the subway with this professional looking man and they are reported missing. The photographer follows him everywhere until it consumes his own life and finds out he isn’t your normal run of the mill serial killer and by then it’s too late. Once again, Barker and company make a horror film that is weird, different, and goes against the grain of Hollywood. Not as nearly as much blood as I thought there would be but this film declares Clive Barker is back in my opinion and he is going to produce films he wants horror fans to see and not what studios want to ruin? I give this excellent flick 3 stars.
Dragon Wars (DVD) – Ancient dragons awaken every 500 years to seek out a woman who is in her 20th year and must eat her in order to shift the balance of good and evil in the universe and become apart of the great ancient dragon gods. A fantasy film that is worth watching if there isn’t much on TV that day but a need to see film just because it has the great Robert (Alligator) Forrester and famous Pittsburgh comedian Billy Cardell. I give it 1 ½ stars.
Fury of the Werewolf (DVD) – The legendary Paul Naschy is killed by a Sasquatch/Yeti thing and his hot female lead brings him back to life only for him to change into a werewolf and terrorize everyone around him. I give it 2 stars.
The Lost Boys: The Tribe (DVD) – Its twenty years later and apparently vampires still rule the west coast. Two siblings arrive at their aunt’s house looking for a new life after their lives go downhill the past few years since their parents’ death. Of course both get mixed up with some surfers who are actually vampires and rule the beaches and the head vampire happens to be an idol of the older male sibling. It’s up to the aging ‘Frog brother’ Corey Feldman as Edgar Frog to help take down these surfing vampires before it’s too late. By no fucking way is this film going to be a cult horror hit like the 1987 film. The movie had a lot of potential but is a very obviously rushed project and not being shot in the same location affected the look and feel of this film as it seem like it lost something with it not being shot in California. Hey, it could be me being twenty years older and loving the original film so much or it could be the sequel came too many years too late? Whatever the reason is, if you are not a horror fan and happen to watch the film more than likely you will be lost? The film seems to leave a lot of minor plotlines unexplained for no reason at all with a lot of filler in-between scenes that will leave most “Lost Boys” fans asking a lot of questions instead of enjoying what should have been a cool, hip, generational vampire film. This film could have been so much more if the right director was involved and the right people were in charge and understood the allure of the first film. I fear the editor fucked up a lot of the film but that wasn’t the only major problem with the film (script anyone?). The DVD contains a couple alternate endings, a deleted scene, and a few music videos you’ll never watch as I give this somewhat disappointing sequel 2 stars.
Mother of Tears (Theater) – The latest Dario Argento ‘Eye-talian’ flick that stars Asia Argento as curator at a museum where she and a friend notice an odd box that happen to be dug up with a witch from 1815 and was sent to their museum to be checked out as it is feared to be something that could start the ‘end of the world’. They open the box and a few mean ass monsters in robes rip apart Asia’s friend and then Asia is on the run trying to figure out why evil forces are chasing her and why everyone in Rome has gone ape shit crazy. A dark film with lots of children being killed, Udo Kier playing a priest of course, blood and gore by the gallon, and the end of the world that looks like a bunch of hot naked women running around in catacombs, which is not a bad thing personally… But anyway I give this film 2 ½ stars, I still love “Suspiria” personally.
Invasion USA (DVD) – “More Chuck for your Buck!” Chuck Norris stars in one of his best films ever along with Richard Lynch playing the ultimate bad guy who wants to kill Chuck and attack the US on US soil! And I cannot forget Billy Drago plays a drug dealer in a small part of the film. But anyway Richard Lynch plays a Soviet terrorist hell bent on attacking America and only Chuck Norris can find him and put a stop to his terrorist activities! Chuck Norris, action film, lots of guns and violence… 3 ½ stars!
Poutrygeist was also reviewed but being saved for a Bastards press release that is going to be up on www.bastardsofhorror.com .
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me at Louisville, Kentucky’s Fright Night Film Fest August 15-17th, 2008. Check out www.frightnightfilmfest.com for more details.
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
July 30, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #133
By Tim Gross
Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (DVD) – Third in the series of a million which is awesome… has two kids that are adopted from ‘evil’ Gatlin, Nebraska and are forced to adapt to their new city life. One kid accepts the new surroundings while the other begins to grow the evil corn in an abandon building and gathers the local kids to start an uprising against the adults! Not a bad, but interesting horror film for being third in the series and direct-to-video and if that doesn’t get you it’s a must watch just to see a pre-Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series Nicholas Brendan and I think in a uncredited role Charlize Thereon? I give the movie 2 stars.
The Dead Pit (DVD) – Finally… “The… Dead… Pit…” can be seen by millions and millions of horror nerds in its unrated beauty! Code Red did a wonderful job of getting this DVD out. For those who never been blessed with watching this classic 80s horror film about a doctor who likes to perform experiments on mental patients. His partner finds out about him and kills him! Then buries him with his patients. Twenty years later, a woman who is a Jane Doe, shows up and the evil doctor rises from the dead to kill patients again… Movie is filled with great gore scenes and is a really cool horror film for a time in the late 80s it seemed horror was beginning to die a little. I give this ‘must own’ classic 3 ½ stars.
Camp Blood (DVD) – A very low budget production from some filmmakers who are “Friday the 13th” fans decide to make a movie about a clown masked killer in the woods. Cheap but a fun movie as you sift through the crap that you would call the first half of the film and finally the second half you get to see people getting killed off one by one until there is one survivor and the killer is the twist in the story. Can be lame at times but fun to drink beer and watch a film from the great Brad “The Zombie Chronicles is a big piece of shit” Sykes as I give it 1 ½ stars and can be found through www.razordigitalent.com .
Camp Blood 2 (DVD) – A low budget sequel this time around has a filmmaker search out the lone survivor from the first “Camp Blood” to oversee his vision of her story of what actually happen. Of course he wants blood and boobs which we get and it is worth it because all I can say is nipple rings! Who knows what else happens in the rest of the fucking movie, all I could see for a day was nipple rings! Somebody else dresses up as the masked clown killer and begins the killing spree again, nada, nada, nada, nipple rings! I give it 2 stars and can be found at www.razordigitalent.com .
Within the Woods (DVD) – Actually the third movie in the “Camp Blood” series but with a different title like the great horror film, “Slumber Party Massacre 4 aka Cheerleader Massacre”. This time around the clown masked killer shows up to ruin the reality show that is taken place on the holy killing ground of “Camp Blood” and killing everyone who is there for the show including the fake killer! Interesting concept, but very hard to pull off on such a slim budget… I give this flick 1 star and can be found at www.razordigitalent.com .
Bloody Birthday (DVD) – A slick horror flick from 1981 that sometimes gets lost in the shuffle of all the cool flicks out at that time? But this horror flick is about three kids that are ten years old and born during an eclipse in June 1970. They were born to not give a rat shit and think up evil fucked up ways to kill their classmates, teacher, babysitter, parents, the horror never ends? It’s B-movie greatness… A must see for any fan of horror films! I give this cool flick 3 stars.
The X-Files: I Want To Believe (Theater) – Yeah, I heard the early reviews: ‘It misses the spot’ or ‘Not that good’. Fuck you all! I loved that the film was a film for the hardcore fans of the TV show. It not only progressed the storyline from six years ago but gave the franchise some closure in case there is not another ‘X-Files’ film. The film is about the FBI seeking Mulder’s help in a strange case of a possible serial killer and an ex-priest that is having visions of where a body part, a missing woman, etc. are at but not be able to see everything like who did it? Mulder at the pushing of Scully, decides to help the FBI but gets more involved then he can ever believe. Maybe the film did take too long too get out and maybe there isn’t enough geeks out there to support it as they have moved on to other shows or series but I believe this film is an excellent sci-fi film that does not come around too often these days. Go give the movie a try as I give it 3 stars.
Anaconda 3 (DVD/Sci-fi Channel) – 100 foot CGI snake versus David Haselhoff, 3 stars of B-movie goodness!
Black Caesar (VHS) – A great exploitation flick starring Fred Williamson as a black man who worked his way up through the prison system and gets out with one goal in mind to over throw the man who has been pushing around black people for way too long and take over Harlem! A cool kick ass flick with one cool ass movie soundtrack done by the legendary James Brown. The film is a great introduction into “blaxploitation” films (as it once was called) and one the best films that represent what the 70s were all about. I give the movie 4 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me at Louisville, Kentucky’s Fright Night Film Fest August 15-17th, 2008. Check out www.frightnightfilmfest.com for more details.
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
July 17, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #132
By Tim Gross
Welcome to another rounded mess that I have written… As the heat is becoming a bitch this summer it is just a reminder that you need to rent some cool cheesy flicks!
The Dead Hate the Living! (VHS) – A low budget zombie film from Dave Parker who seems to be hated by some horror film fans for making this “Full Moon” trash in 1999. Love it… Hate it… It was something different at the time it came out as two best friends who grew up watching Fulci and Romero films set out to make the ultimate no budget zombie film in abandon asylum where of course they broke into. After finding a mysterious video of a man claiming to be a scientist getting attacked by some monster and finding his corpse in the basement in a strange coffin, the two friends kick it up a little with using a real dead guy for their horror film. Next thing you know they open the gate to hell and references to “The Beyond” among other Fulci classics are thrown out there with every other line of dialogue. Personally, I enjoyed the film except for its very shitty CGI ending as it pays homage somewhat or in some weird way to the “The Beyond”. Lots of blood, lots of hot girls, low budget film from “Full Moon Pictures”, I give it 3 stars and a must rent even if you hate it. Also available on DVD… for you non-VHS fans.
The X-Files: Season Three (DVD) – This season of the popular cult TV series made it go from cult status to mainstream as everybody was wondering if there was really aliens out there on Friday nights! This season of “The X-Files” went in so many directions but went much deeper into the alien/government conspiracy more than any other season and expanded the mythology of what’s truly out there with even going as far as making fun of itself to having a serious episode with Peter Boyle as a life insurance salesman who can tell you how you will die and when. The usual suspects: Smoking Man, The Lone Gunmen, X, the alien bounty hunter played by horror genre favorite Brian Thompson all make their presence known. Along for the ride was even Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura and Alex Trebeck make an appearance as the “men in black”. The season opens with a “to be continued…” episode and ends with one leaving you asking the main question “where exactly did the black oil come from?” Some fans argue this was the best season of episodes out of the series, I tend to agree to disagree but a very entertaining box set for any kind of fan of the show as I give it 3 ½ stars.
The Cars That Ate Paris (VHS) – A fucked up, independent, oddball sort of film from Peter Weir in the mid-70s where young men in wrecked cars run people off the road who come near the small town of Paris. Very odd, but worth watching just for the few bloody as hell car accidents. I give it 2 stars.
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (Theater) – The comic book hero mostly known as “RED” is back and fights elementals, ogres, and the ancients for the fate of earth. The film is above and beyond visually stunning and beautiful but fails to be better or worse for that matter than the first film. The film is very entertaining, expands the story of Hellboy and its characters but plays out more like a warm up film to something greater on the horizon in the series. But shit, Hellboy is a very interesting character and still has lots of stories to be told as I will be looking forward to them as I give it 3 stars.
Dolly Dearest (VHS) – Who would have guessed? A killer doll movie where the doll just happens to be possessed by an ancient devil baby! Not original by any means but a very enjoyable shitty horror movie that is worth another look by you “Child’s Play” fans? If that doesn’t make you want to watch it, how about Rip ‘fuckin’ Torn as one of the heroes of the shitty film… I fucking love shit like this as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Ghouls (DVD/Sci-Fi Channel) – A war between ghouls and druids are taking place… Wait! The movie sucks donkey shit! The hot girl in it doesn’t even show cleavage for the love of god! The only fucking real redeeming thing of the film is when the ghouls become solid form and they look kick ass. Other than that, trash it and move on! I give the movie ½ star.
Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (DVD) – Ok, the movie opens up on a cheesy movie set where an evil doll named “shit-for-brains” and others are brought to life by Satan to kill a fat, middle-aged, virgin! Buy it! Anyhow, the sultry and beautiful Michelle Bauer brings in her baked goods into Cheatum Studios back lot where they are filming ‘Tiny Terrors 9’. And yes, the Gingerdead man is alive and well with no back-story on his return and hanging out in the baked good box waiting for a chance to rein his terror on unsuspecting actors, directors, and make-up men all for a chance to be human again. The movie makes fun of Full Moon films, the fans, and the genre period in all good classic B-movie fun. This film is so bad it’s great! The movie is packed with sub-par filmmaking, great gore shots, and appearances by John Carl Buechler, Greg (KNB) Nicotero, Greg’s brother Frank, a killer gingerbread cookie, and the producers are William Butler and Charles Band, what else in the world could you ask for in a “Full Moon” flick? The DVD itself does not have much in extras which is sort of unusual for a Charles Band production but it still deserves 3 ½ stars.
William Shatner’s Full Moon Fright! Presents ‘Vampire Journals’ (DVD) – Who gives a blue fuck if you seen the movie and hated it or already own like I do? This DVD is an experience in itself as this was part of an experiment for the Sci-fi Channel a few years back on Saturday nights at 11pm where they had William Shatner host “Full Moon” films on his own show where he not only did skits in between commercials but interviewed some cool people after the flick was done. It was like a modern day “Monstervision” but with the whacked out William Shatner! All you have to do is push play and watch it all the through and you get the whole experience as people should buy this DVD and have parties watching it as it is an experience that all horror fans need to witness. It’s cheesy, its bad, it makes no sense, but its fun as hell to watch a great train wreck as I give this great DVD that has an interview with Stan Lee 4 stars.
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase any of my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me at Louisville, Kentucky’s Fright Night Film Fest August 15-17th, 2008. Check out www.frightnightfilmfest.com for more details.
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
July 2, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #131
By Tim Gross
In the spirit of the 4th of July make sure you watch your copy of “Uncle Sam”, a cool slasher film with ‘Uncle Sam’ as the killer!
National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets (DVD) – Nic Cage reprises his role as the venturing American historian who believes one of his relatives is in question in the death of the 16th president, Lincoln. Ed Harris plays a character that happens to have a certain piece of paper from 1863, that questions who really shot Lincoln and why?! Pretty cool adventure this time around as its Cage and friends against the world as Nic Cage kidnaps the president to find out certain information about Lincoln that also sets up an interesting storyline for a possible third film. The movie itself comes across as a crossbreed of Indiana Jones and Lara Croft but a great alternative for some of Nic Cage’s abominations he has been apart of the past 20 years. I give the film 3 stars and worth the rent.
Zombie Farm (DVD) – Terrorists poison the water of a small farming town that eventually turns the small town into flesh-eating ghouls and all is left is a couple FBI agents and a couple people who haven’t drank the water left to fend for themselves. With the town already quarantined and the military given the orders to kill anything that isn’t military the odds of the survivors is very slim in this low budget gorefest! The low budget zombie flick is a fun gorefest to watch and tries to keep a few laughs in to keep the film well-paced especially with the cannibal farmer characters before they even turn into zombies. But again the CGI gunshots are horrible people as I give the movie 2 ½ stars and you can check out more about the movie at www.zombiefarmmovie.com .
There’s a Werewolf in My Attic! (DVD) – A short film about a couple who are vegan and buy a house cheap and later find out that a werewolf that looks like a combination of “Star Wars” Chewy and Dee Wallace’s transformation at the end of “The Howling” is living in their attic. Not to mention the werewolf doesn’t eat flesh or raw meat but trail mix. The movie is funny, pokes fun at vegans a little, and a very entertaining 16 minutes as I give it 3 stars and can be found at www.sbtfilms.com .
Urine Trouble (DVD) – A 10 minute short film about urinal cakes (you know the pink things in the toilets at bars) that attack and eat a man then a couple who go to check on him. Lots of blood and funny as fuck! I give it 3 ½ stars and can be found at www.sbtfilms.com .
Copperhead (DVD/Sci-Fi Channel) – Computer-generated snakes attack a small town in the old west that is full of outlaws including genre favorite Billy Drago! Very cheesy and boring at times but watchable, I guess… I give it 1 ½ stars.
Doomed to Consume (DVD) – An entertaining low budget gorefest about survivors a week or so after an air-borne virus has turned a small town into zombies. The film is pretty much about what is the next move for the survivors as they all eventually become zombie food. Again, shitty CGI gunshots hinder the low budget zombie fest but it does have a cameo appearance by writer Joe Knetter as a zombie at a gas station. I give the movie 2 stars and can be found at www.nftsproductions.com or www.myspace.com/nfts .
Death on Demand (DVD) – A couple college kids rent out a house on Halloween night that is described as being haunted because of a man killing his family Thanksgiving night after he was found bloody and crazed after a mountain climbing expedition and then killed himself. The college kids think the house is a great place to hold their contest that will be broadcasted on the internet of three couples who are trying to survive the night and make $5,000! An entertaining slasher film that has elements of “Night of the Demons” and “Halloween 8: The Resurrection” only ‘Death on Demand’ is a much better film than “Halloween 8” and doesn’t have shitty cast that includes Busta-Rhymes! What separates this modern slasher from most independent features is this has some great kill scenes and effects to back it up plus a great funny sex scene between a guy who might be gay, might not and a porn star who feeds him generic Viagra… It’s independent, plays to its strengths, and has boobs, a couple gallons of blood, and an ending that I like. I give the movie 3 stars and a must watch as you can find it at www.mtivideo.com .
Firehead (DVD) – A Russian cyborg travels to America to stop missiles from being built by a dark government within our own American government. Did I happen to mention the cyborg can shoot shit from eyes too? A classic B-grade sci-fi flick from 1988 that has a cameo appearance by Martin Landau as a retired military scientist. I give the film 1 ½ stars and can be found at www.echobridgehe.com .
Space Mutiny (DVD) – A very bad, but very funny B-movie that was on the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” TV show at some point during its run. The space movie starts off with scenes of spaceships gun fighting that look like the production crew stole the left over ships on strings from the TV show “Battlestar Galactica” and use computer graphics from a Commodore 64 to show you what’s going on. Then you have some bad hula hoop disco dance thing going on with a lot of slow bumper car racing with generic bazookas and lazerguns. This shit is cheesy, bad, and a lot of fun to watch. This movie is must have for those who don’t need a plot, like to drink beer while watching, or just smoke pot and why is there Astroturf for grass in a garden that is on a spaceship! I give it 3 ½ stars just for not hiding the fact of how much a B-movie it is and can be found at www.echobridgehe.com .
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me at Louisville, Kentucky’s Fright Night Film Fest August 15-17th, 2008. Check out www.frightnightfilmfest.com for more details.
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
June 19, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #130
By Tim Gross
“I’ll see you at Horrorhound Weekend in Pittsburgh!”
I Know Who Killed Me (DVD) – The real question should be, “Do we care?” I stayed away from this just because it starred former Disney teen idol ‘Lindsay Lohan’. Unless she is going into porn I care less, but I figured she suppose to be a stripper in this film and figured I’d give it a chance. Shit! If it looks like shit, if she acts like shit, and the script is shit, it must be a big steamy pile of donkey shit! Fuck, I haven’t seen such a horrible movie since the remake of “The House on Haunted Hill”. Hell, it was so bad when she goes for her big sex scene they even made sure you couldn’t see the essentials… WTF? But anyhow, if suicide seems not cruel enough, watch this crap as I give it 0 stars.
Slashing Prices (DVD-R) – Rick and the DSK crew are back with a film that goes back to the basics. The real basics of a slasher film where the killer couldn’t afford a mask so he wears a plastic bag to protect his identity. After a customer is burned by acid in a CD/movie store run by aging semi-rock star John Legionare, customers begin to disappear one by one without the two retards who work there ever noticing as they are worried about watching ‘two girls, one cup’ on you tube! The movie seems a little slow through the first twenty minutes but the jokes and the murders start to fly after that. Filled with lots of blood and the usual fun you expect from Rick and the DSK crew which the biggest highlight of the film is ‘Ace’ playing the John Legionare character and he is so obsessed with the disc buffer machine that he begins to use it on his penis and gets caught doing it, and continues to keep going! Funny shit people! The great thing about this DVD is the FX extra that takes you into the world of DSK and what it took to get the effects to look the way they looked on film. The movie might have had no budget or less but a lot of inventive and smart thinking went into what they wanted for the film. This segment is something a lot of independent filmmakers and movie fans out there should take note as this is one of the best extras on a DVD I ever seen! I give the DVD 2 ½ stars and can be found at www.dsk-productions.com .
Student Bodies (DVD) – A horror film first released in 1981 and was never seen again except through video trading in the 80s and bootlegs has finally seen DVD. It is a fun horror/comedy that spoofs pretty much every slasher film in the past two years before it. A slasher film that all horror fans need to buy and watch but not for the mainstream “Scary Movie” crowd in opinion. I give the classic 3 stars.
Prom Night (DVD/remake) – A remake of a so-so slasher film that starred Jamie Lee Curtis that stars no one this time around and pretty much plays out in the first ten minutes and you hate yourself for watching it. Be warned, it sucks worse than being forced to watch 12 hours straight of “Gilmore Girls”! I give it 0 stars.
Prey of the Jaguar (DVD) – The film stars Stacy Keach and Linda Blair and that’s where anything good about the movie ends. The movie is about a man whose family is killed by drug dealers and he becomes a generic superhero to get revenge on them in a plot that sucks large gorilla nuts! I give it a ½ star and can be found at www.echobridgehe.com .
Conspiracy of Fear (DVD) – A government scientist is murdered by an assassin who is believed to have information on an Anti-virus and his son becomes involved when it isn’t found. Before the son is killed by the same assassin he is saved by a pretty girl who happens to be a car thief and becomes involved when the police find out the CIA is involved looking for the son. The movie plays out like sub-par love story/thriller but worth the rental fee if there is nothing else on the new release shelf that day. I give the DVD 2 stars and can be found at www.echobridgehe.com .
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive………
Don’t forget to catch me at Pittsburgh’s Horrorhound Weekend June 20th-22nd, 2008… and for more details go to www.horrorhoundweekend.com
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
Posted by Tim on
June 13, 2008
“GONE THE WAY OF FLESH” is finally available on DVD from Cut ‘N’ Run Productions! Get your copy today!! You can order by sending a check or money order of $15.
00 to:
Cut ‘N’ Run Productions, L.L.C.
P.O.
Box 133
East Pittsburgh, PA 15112
You can also purchase it at these Pittsburgh locations:
Borders Books And Music
The Exchange- Monroeville, Squirrel Hill
CD Warehouse- Monroeville
Half Price Books- Monroeville
Heads Together/706 Records- Squirrel Hill
We will have secure credit card sales available on our website www. cutnrunproductions. com soon!
Review done 7-9-06
“Gone the Way of Flesh”
By Tim Gross
Jason and his crew put together a film like no other in recent memory of independent films. The film “Gone the Way of Flesh” was made for a mere $700, mostly spent at Wal-mart for props and was made over a period of three years. And it was time well spent! Between Jason being interviewed by the local papers to him posting about his movie on www.myspace.com and www.Bastardsofhorror.com , the theater that held the screening was packed like never before. It was like a fat chick trying to fit a three sized too small thong and witnessed a one-of-a-kind independent film. From its sleaziness to its rock-a-billy soundtrack, the movie had people either stuck in their chair wanting more or had a few people looking on in disgust which is always good to have that type of reaction. The movie runs in around the 65 minute mark and pushes the boundaries of sleaze and creepiness every step of the way. The story revolves a detective who is on a case that seems like it will never be solved. It is a case that pertains to young under drinking age women who are being killed by a serial killer during a popular local band’s concerts. The killings take place at all sorts of clubs but only if the band is playing. The plot seemed thin at times but at $700 who’s complaining? The movie features what most horror fans are looking for: blood, nudity, and great music! In my opinion, I found the movie to be done no justice as it played in the theater. You take away that it was filmed on digital video and it fits right in with all the great grindhouse and sleazy films that played at the drive-ins during the late 60’s and 70’s at midnight. The movie belongs at a drive-in with drive-in party type atmosphere. Whether it equals success when it hits DVD remains to be seen but to me it is well worth the risk of checking this great film out especially since not too many films like this come along! I give it 3 1/2 stars and sequel is now in production!
Posted by Tim on
June 9, 2008
Gross Movie Reviews #129
By Tim Gross
Happy “Friday the 13th” this week folks!
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Theater) – Almost 20 years later Harrison Ford returns to the role that made him famous (besides Star Wars) as the adventurous archeologist named Dr. Indy Jones. No Germans this time around as the main villains are the Russians as the story takes place now in the mid 50s where the Russians have kidnapped Dr. Jones and have broke into the infamous ‘Area 51’ to retrieve something that has very supernatural and paranormal powers to it and help them find ‘the kingdom of the crystal skull’ and become leaders of the entire world. But with Dr. Jones around he will just not let that happen even being 20 years older. Dr. Jones is found by a young man after he escapes the Russians to get Jones to help him rescue his mother ‘Maryann’ played by none other Karen Allen. Let’s be honest, is this Jones adventure better the first three… No. But this movie still holds its own by moving the Jones storyline 20 years ahead as it should and having the character Dr. Jones realize he isn’t a young man by far anymore but he is wiser and the film is just so action-packed that an OCD kid would get dizzy. I believe with the success of the film we will see another Spielberg classic in two or three years, hopefully? I give this great adventure 3 stars and a must see for any movie fan!
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (DVD) – Holy shit, somebody or some people are bigger losers than I! The film is a documentary on how video game high scores have been documented the past 25 years and how the original teenagers that conquered the arcade games back in the early 80s and where they are at now. Now, I enjoy video games as most people do but these people take to the extreme. But the beauty of the film is how there is these originals who conquered the arcade games and 25 years later some unknown gamer comes along and beats the high score of Donkey Kong. Its funny, but sad in a lot of ways as the film documents how the original champ will go to any lengths to protect his high score including sporting the same mullet he had back in 1982! By the end of the film you are hoping the original Donkey Kong champ ‘Billy Mitchell’ I think his name was, gets his dick eaten off by a hungry warthog! And you begin to cheer for this unknown gamer who gains all the respect of the top gamers in the world by the end of the film! You enjoyed Pac-Man, get geeky for Dig Dug, you get a chubby for Galaga, this is the perfect film for you and friends as I give this film 3 ½ stars.
The Andromeda Strain (DVD/A&E/remake) – A&E channel decided to remake the 70s killer virus film with the kid from “Silver Spoons” and that cop from “Law & Order” who star as scientists in it. The remake is interesting 3 hours but nothing much better or worse than the original. Got time to kill this is the film to see, if not and something better; move on as I give it 2 stars.
Heatstroke (DVD/Sci-Fi Channel) – D. B. Sweeney stars as a military scientist in Hawaii looking for aliens and keeps crossing paths with the ultra hot and all grown-up ‘Winnie’ from “The Wonder Years” TV series. The movie is shitty plain and simple but does have ‘Winnie’ running around in a belly shirt or a bikini often which makes the film slightly less shitty… I give it 1 star.
Craig (DVD) – A low budget independent film that was partially filmed in New York and mostly shot in Denmark by filmmaker Kim Sonderholm is about a man who slowly slips into his own madness. The film’s main character, ‘Craig’ is having trouble getting on with his life six months after his parents die in a fire. Can’t get a date, can’t get a life, and his married friend goes drinking with him just so he can pick up other women. As the movie progresses ‘Craig’ struggles with what is reality and what is a dream as he has violent dreams of himself killing people, which makes you wonder was he already completely mad and just didn’t know it? The movie is excellent… I really enjoyed how it was shot and the use of locations for the film’s scenes was awesome. The film is a slight reminder of such films “Henry” and “Rampage” but stands on its own as film about a fictional serial killer. Kim did a great job of building up suspense which most low budget filmmakers have trouble with. I enjoyed this film a lot and I’m sure it will be on my list best independent films of the year as I give it 3 stars and you can find out more about it at www.craigthemovie.com and also available through www.amazon.com .
The Horror Vault (DVD) – Sort of anthology, but more of an assortment of horror short films put together on one disc and produced by Kim Sonderholm who also has two short films on the disc. The names of the short films are “when john met julia” (excellent), “Delusion”, “Alone”, “Dead to the World”, “Mental Distortion”, “Disconnected”, “The Demon”, “Echoes”, and “Retina”. Most are very good including the first short film and the other short film that is about a man not paying his cable bill. It’s an excellent collection of short films that needs to be seen as I give it 3 stars. You can find out more about it at www.thehorrorvault.net and also available through www.amazon.com .
The Road Warrior (DVD) – One coolest if not the best post-apocalyptic film ever made, hands down! This movie pretty much started the whole sub-genre of post-apocalyptic films being made in Hollywood and around the world. Mel Gibson reprises his role in this sequel/non-sequel to the film that made him famous three years earlier “Mad Max”. He pretty much has maybe one page of lines to memorize but his actions as the burnt out ‘road warrior’ and his kick ass fast black ‘interceptor’ is all you need to see or hear as you watch. The film is like one big violent car chase as the race for fuel is on and the world has been laid to waste and is overrunned by warlords! There are some peaceful people who have been able to make fuel again but want to leave the wastelands. The problem is an evil warlord of the roads named “Humungous” wants the fuel and violence will not let them leave peacefully. And that is where “Mad Max” comes in… It is a movie that goes full speed like no other and leaves you wanting more after it ends. Its ashame the series was disgraced by the Thunderdome sequel but with some talk about a possible “Mad Max 4” and Mel looking to be seen as a top actor once more, I think fans will get the sequel they always wanted. I give the non-extra filled DVD 4 stars but keep wishing for a special extra filled edition someday!
The Voyage (VHS/USA Network) – The man, the myth, the legend, Rutger Hauer stars with Karen Allen as a couple who go to their 20th high school reunion and meet up with an old friend Eric Roberts and his young wife who go sailing along the coast of Italy and Eric Roberts only has evil intentions. Somewhat like the thriller “Dead Calm” most the film takes place on the boat as Rutger most defend himself and his wife if they want to make off the boat alive! Fun movie to watch just because of Rutger Hauer as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Rise: Blood Hunter (DVD/Sci-Fi Channel) – A Ghost House Picture production that stars Lucy Lu as a vampire looking for revenge on who made her a vampire. A cameo appearance by Robert Forrester and good amount of blood spillage are the highlights but not enough to save this vampire film from sucking as it pretty much put me to sleep halfway through. I give the movie 1 ½ stars.
Boondock Saints (DVD) – Two Irish men just trying to have a good time at their local bar on St. Patrick’s Day get intruded on by a couple of Russian Syndicate guys and that’s where the fun begins. They beat their asses and take their guns and money. They have this weird dream believing god told them to kill off all the mobsters in town and they eventually become heroes to the common man as they are doing more than the Boston Police Department is. The film also has William Dafoe who puts on a crazy but beautiful performance as a great FBI agent searching for the two Irish men and wants to know why they are doing what they are doing. The movie is action-packed, violent, and funny as hell as I give it 3 ½ stars just for the cat who gets shot to pieces by accident as I almost pissed myself laughing!
Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.myspace.com/slasherfilmfan . Also you can purchase my three horror movie review books, “Gross Movie Reviews Volume One, Two, or Three” at www.lulu.com or www.amazon.com . You can also find other reviews from me at www.bastardsofhorror.com , www.bloodtypeonline.com , and in the movie review section of the latest Ultra Violent magazine (www.uvmagazine.com). Remember folks if you are renting from Blockbuster you are not renting from the best! Support your local independent video store! It will keep horror alive……… Don’t forget to catch me at Pittsburgh’s Horrorhound Weekend June 20th-22nd, 2008… and for more details go to www.horrorhoundweekend.com
My book links if interested in purchasing a copy of my books:
Volume Three
http://www.lulu.com/content/2497428
Volume Two Red Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/738100
Volume Two Alternate (black) Cover
http://www.lulu.com/content/751465
Volume One
http://www.lulu.com/content/265208
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